Responses
laynEpoo: wow (3/11/10)
kimc: Hope (3/13/10)
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Responses (sorted by date)
kimc: Hope (3/13/10)
laynEpoo: wow (3/11/10)
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So I went to the sleep doctor because for my whole life I have had horrific sleep patterns, or rather no sleep pattern at all. My family doctor is a pain where a pill can't reach and she insisted that I do a sleep study and then go see this highly recommended sleep specialist. He had doctoral certificates hanging on the wall from Harvard and New York University and a doctor of theology from the University of Chicago. Apparently he is a pretty smart guy.
I am ADD and claustrophobic and overweight and have an overactive imagination. I most often fall asleep on the couch or in a chair or in an airport or on the floor or in my bed or at my desk or in a shopping mall or at a movie theater or pretty much anywhere and at any time. I sometimes fall asleep at 8:00 at night and sometimes at 3:00 in the morning. I have gone a day or two without any sleep and maybe average five hours of sleep a night. I take fifteen minute naps in the middle of the day or, if I get attracted to completing a project, I can work all day and all night until it is done. My wife needs her eight hours of sleep a night and is often disturbed by my restless wanderings around the house in the middle of the night. She will yell at me and tell me to either stay in bed or leave, but to please stop tossing and turning. I will watch television and read the newspaper and work on a sermon and play online Scrabble all at the same time. I can get prodigious amounts of work done and then I fall in a heap. All this has been a great source of shame.
The doctor said I have sleep apnea when I sleep on my back, but that the signs almost completely disappear when I sleep on my side. He said I sleep deeply when I sleep on my side. I told him I almost always sleep on my side and he said that I spent the first part of the sleep study sleeping on my back. I told him that was because they stuck a hundred wires to my head and tied me to machines and that I was uncomfortable trying to roll over onto my side. He told me that he only had the test to look at and that indicated I did some of both so that I must have woken with a oxygen deprivation headache. I told him I don't get headaches, I give them. He told me he could not believe that I did not ever have headaches. I told him that I was a liar, but that I was not lying about this. I almost never get headaches or use aspirin or Tylenol. He called me a liar again and I repeated my line about being a liar, but not lying about headaches. He said, "Spoken like a true Calvinist." He wondered if I got headaches and just didn't recognize them as headaches. I told him it was a dumb question. How would I know if I don't know? He sheepishly agreed that it was a dumb question.
I really have to lose weight. I have started. Chicken and rice and grilled vegetables for dinner. Cottage cheese and fruit for breakfast. A salad and soup for lunch. I also have to walk every day. He told me to discipline myself. He said it should be easy for a Calvinist. He told me, "You are probably used to telling people in your church to discipline themselves. Isn't that one of the marks of the true church? Now you get to practice discipline." He asked me if I was pretty firm with my church folks about doing the right things. I told him I gave my people a lot of grace. He told me that was nice, but that I needed to exercise and lose weight. So apparently there is no grace for me.
He wants me to use one of the c-pap machines until I have lost some weight. I told him I would rather die young. We talked about the claustrophobia and he referred me to a behavioral therapist. He gave me a pep talk about claustrophobia being a fear that can be overcome. He wanted to know if I had been locked in closets as a kid as a form of punishment. I told him I used to hide in them to avoid doing the dishes but to my knowledge had never been locked in one. He said, "You really are a Calvinist, aren't you?"
He told me to put myself in a darkened room without outside stimulus and to wait for sleep to come. I told him it would make me crazy and that I can not just lay in bed for hours on end hoping sleep will happen. My mind is way too active for that. He wasn't very sympathetic. He told me that if I didn't learn to sleep properly I would be cutting years from my life. I told him my days were numbered and were in God's hands and that the worst that could happen was that I would die young and be with Jesus which is what I was longing for anyway. He rolled his eyes and said, "Calvinists." in a tone of voice that indicated he was not pleased with them. We eventually agreed that I will try to do better on that score.
It is 4:00am and my mind is racing and I have written part of my sermon for next week and the television is on and I am writing on my laptop. I am a mess.
Pray for me.
Rod |