Villagersonline : blogs : rodhugen : On bullies

From: rodhugen
Date: Thu Oct 20 14:42:56 MST 2005
Subject: On bullies

Responses
russ: Amen (10/21/05)

Karen: Tough questions (10/21/05)

Karen: Keep your enemies closer (10/21/05)

KeithB: bully (10/21/05)

rodhugen: Continuing... (10/21/05)

Karen: The other Mr. Rogers (10/21/05)
eric: thoughts (10/21/05)

Karen: Cool thoughts, Pastor E (10/21/05)

Boojeee: chief warrior (10/22/05)

Patricia: re: Loren (10/22/05)

Responses (sorted by date)
Patricia: re: Loren (10/22/05)
Boojeee: chief warrior (10/22/05)
Karen: Cool thoughts, Pastor E (10/21/05)
eric: thoughts (10/21/05)
Karen: The other Mr. Rogers (10/21/05)
Karen: Keep your enemies closer (10/21/05)
rodhugen: Continuing... (10/21/05)
KeithB: bully (10/21/05)
Karen: Tough questions (10/21/05)
russ: Amen (10/21/05)

Loren was red-headed, big, and mean. He controlled 26th Street. You couldn't ride your bike on 26th Street without his permission. He would knock you down and bloody your nose if he caught you on 'his' street. I lived on 27th Street. We didn't have anybody that controlled 27th Street.
Sometimes Loren came down 27th Street and Steve and Dave and Mark and I would hide from him. We never used the word bully to describe Loren, but we all knew to get away from him as fast as our little bikes could pedal.
The problem was that school was on 26th Street. It still is and to get to school fast you had to go down 26th Street. And you prayed that Loren wouldn't see you and come and knock you off your bike and tell you to get the hell off his street and punch you in the face. Steve got caught by
Loren once so I knew that the threats were real and not imagined.
Our parents wouldn't let us go down 28th Street because it was a busy street and we sure couldn't go down 24th Street because it was super busy. 27th Street didn't go through past Osborn Road and 24th Street didn't have a crosswalk across Thomas Road so you had to crisscross 26th Street one way or another. And Loren was on 26th Street.
I was terrified of Loren. Terrified of the stories I was told of things he had done. So I lived my life in fear, pedaling my bike as fast as my long legs could pedal and ducking into alleys and driveways to avoid being seen by Loren. Another kid at school got his nose bloodied by Loren and after that something in me snapped. I was tired of the trip to and from school being so horrible. I had asked Dad what to do and he told me I would have to fight my own battles. So I did...
I rode down 26th Street. I rode slowly. My heart was in my throat. My hands were wet with sweat. I rode in front of Loren's house and waited. When I saw him pedaling down the street toward me I got on my bike and met him. He told me to get away from his house and off his street and then pushed my bike down. I let mey bike fall to the ground and when he pushed me, I punched him. Hard. And I kept punching him until his nose was bloody and he was telling me to stop. Then I got on my bike and rode home.
The next day I rode down 26th Street to school. I rode by Loren's house and didn't flinch. For a long while we had an uneasy truce. He avoided me and I avoided him. At one point he said a few things to me. About being friends. We were never friends, but we began to acknowledge each other. My friends thought I was stupid. That he would get even. But they were also happy that I had made 26th Street a little safer.
Tuesday I was on the hot seat at our pastor's get together. I talked about bullies. How much I hate them. I was feeling pretty noble and good. Beating up bullies is the best way to defend the defenseless. When I hit Loren hard he stopped being so sure of himself and 26th Street became a
safer place.
Then a guy asked me if I loved Loren. Asked what it would look like to love Loren. He asked me if I could love Loren while hating the evil that Loren did. Asked me how I treat bullies today. I wept because I still hate them. Yeah, I hate them. Not the evil they do. Them. Which seems pretty far from what Jesus does, I think. I hate when bullies pound the scared ones into the ground. And, in the end, in a mindful rage, I choose to attack them. Belittle them. Hurt them. Take them down. And I've always felt good about that. God is on the side of the weak and powerless. He defends the widow and fatherless. I feel like I'm walking in His path. Doing His work. Until Tuesday. Now I wonder.
And somewhere deep inside I do love the bullies. I love that there is the faint remains of the image of God even in them. But I don't love them truly. I love what they could become if they would repent and turn to God. I don't love them in their sin.
So I wonder how I would have loved Loren. I wonder what would have happened if I had taken my beating and then asked him if we could be friends. I wonder if I would have found that he was a victim, too. I wonder if I would have seen the influence of his family played out in his behaviors. I wonder if he was just a different kind of victim. A bitter, brutal victim who pretends that the world works in certain ways and believes lies just as big as the lies I believe. Because, after all, I'm a pretty faint image bearer myself. And the clash of our sinful behaviors leads to violence. Real violence. Violence that destroys and makes the image even fainter. I wonder what it looks like to lay down my sword and let Loren 'win'. To not have to be right. To not have to win others to my cause.
I wonder what it looks like to trust God on 26th Street.
Rod

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	From: russ Date: Fri Oct 21 10:42:42 MST 2005 Subject: Amen I love it when you tell your stories, Rod. Perhaps you already feel this way, but I wanted to say that I think you were right to face Loren, and beat him. It's like Jesus with the money changers: sometimes it's just time to establish what ought to be. But then, yes, it would have been even more like Jesus to have loved Loren despite all that. That is also something that ought to have been. Edit this response Write a response Email the author From: Karen Date: Fri Oct 21 11:56:11 MST 2005 Subject: Tough questions I'd heard your allusions to this event; you referred to it recently when we were praying over our territory at Our Saviour's ;-) It is good to hear the whole story. And I agree with Russ. Sometimes, you muster the courage to punch the bad guy in the face so that you can, maybe, move toward reconcilation later. Like Luke did with Darth. Sometimes you lie down to block his road, and that's where your real power comes from. Like MLK did w/the racist whites. But always, it takes both sides to reconcile. It seems there is no strength in mere avoidance: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." --Sun Tzu And besides Sun Tzu, the old Kenny Rogers song "Coward of the County" just popped into my head. I've been remembering my elementary school days riding the bus, w/the country music station playing that song. Sometimes my musical memory sure is interesting to me... ****** Everyone considered him the coward of the county. He'd never stood one single time to prove the county wrong. His mama named him Tommy, the folks just called him yellow, But something always told me they were reading Tommy wrong. He was only ten years old when his daddy died in prison. I looked after Tommy 'cause he was my brother's son. I still recall the final words my brother said to Tommy: "Son, my life is over, but yours is just begun. Promise me, son, not to do the things I've done. Walk away from trouble if you can. It won't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek. I hope you're old enough to understand: Son, you don't have to fight to be a man." There's someone for everyone and Tommy's love was Becky. In her arms he didn't have to prove he was a man. One day while he was working the Gatlin boys came calling. They took turns at Becky.... There was three of them! Tommy opened up the door and saw his Becky crying. The torn dress, the shattered look was more than he could stand. He reached above the fireplace and took down his daddy's picture. As his tears fell on his daddy's face, he heard these words again: "Promise me, son, not to do the things I've done. Walk away from trouble if you can. It won't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek. I hope you're old enough to understand: Son, you don't have to fight to be a man." The Gatlin boys just laughed at him when he walked into the barroom. One of them got up and met him halfway 'cross the floor. When Tommy turned around they said, "Hey look! old yellow's leaving." But you coulda heard a pin drop when Tommy stopped and blocked the door. Twenty years of crawling was bottled up inside him. He wasn't holding nothing back; he let them have it all. When Tommy left the barroom not a Gatlin boy was standing. He said, "This one's for Becky," as he watched the last one fall. And I heard him say, "I promised you, Dad, not to do the things you done. I walk away from trouble when I can. Now please don't think I'm weak, I didn't turn the other cheek, and Papa, I sure hope you understand: Sometimes you gotta fight when you're a man." Everyone considered him the coward of the county. *** So what do y'all think about what Tommy did? Hmmm. Myself, I would have preferred that he find a whipsmart lawyer to put them all into prison for the rest of their miserable lives... And then cry with his Becky for a really long time. The movie "Rob Roy" dealt with the harrowing issue of the desire for vengeance, too... What would Dan Allender say about all this? For that matter, what WOULD Jesus do? Would he bring out the whip and turn the tables on the Gatlin boys? Edit this response Write a response Email the author From: Karen Date: Fri Oct 21 14:21:42 MST 2005 Subject: Keep your enemies closer OK, I've Net-researched it a bit, having thought that the screenwriter of "The Godfather" borrowed it from Sun Tzu's "The Art of War," but that quote, as such, didn't appear there. It gave some interesting advice on espionage, though ;-) Rod, I think you have the right idea when you're considering whether there's a craving for power...power for power's sake. The ethics of violence seem to be based in the spirit that drives the action: spirit of power/manipulation ("Dark Side") vs. spirit of love/justice/righteousness. I think violence often "works" when it isn't justified, and also I think that violence may be justified even when it doesn't "work." Like the blilly-clubbed Civil Rights marchers would have been justified to fight back in self-defense, like Jesus would have been justified to fight back against his attackers, but in terms of what needed to happen for things to "work"--first on the spiritual level, then on a physical one--folks had to turn the other cheek, intentionally, with courage. Edit this response Write a response Email the author
	From: KeithB Date: Fri Oct 21 12:36:33 MST 2005 Subject: bully I agree, Russ, that trying to "do what Christ would've done" does not preclude a righteous smack on the nose. The problem seems to be the word "righteous"...which speaks to the state of your mind, Rod, when you were doing the smacking -- the unbridled hatred of Loren, how many times you pounded him, how you dealt with him afterward. The smack may be what Loren needs, and may be how God is using you in his life. But I have a feeling God wants to implement a follow-up caseplan for Loren as well -- not just smack him down and leave him there to absorb my hatred for 40 years... I wonder where Loren is now? Kb Edit this response Write a response From: rodhugen Date: Fri Oct 21 14:09:50 MST 2005 Subject: Continuing... Thanks for your responses. I wish I knew Loren's last name so I could track him down. To see what God did/is doing in his life. While I agree that bopping a nose is sometimes appropriate, I have to admit that my terror often rises to the point of simply striking back out of anger and fear. I am trying to figure out what loving my enemy is all about. I know motives are always mixed and part of my mixture is righteous while the other part stinks to high heaven. It is the stinking to high heaven part that I am trying to get my heart around. I've been thinking this past while that I am a huge proponent of confession. I like confession because it disables satan and it marks the turning point toward God. But God calls us to both confession and repentance. Repentance is harder because it is the, often challenged, walk back to Godly behaviour. I resist repentance because I assume that confession is what pleases God. Ultimately God doesn't need me to take down bullies. And when I do it in fear and anger instead of love, it is not God's work at all, but my own. I realize I don't ask for help from God or community. Instead I just do it myself. That is what I am acknowledging here (i.e. confession), but what I am asking for help with is what repentance might look like. Because bullying bullies is just as evil as being a bully, I think. It is not natural for me to love bullies. It is natural for me to run from them or attempt to destroy them. And in doing so, I do violence to the image of God in them and in me. At least that is where my head is at the moment. Oh, and thanks for the Coward of the County song. Now I have that running around in my head, too. :-) Rod Edit this response Write a response Email the author From: Karen Date: Fri Oct 21 14:24:25 MST 2005 Subject: The other Mr. Rogers You're welcome ;-) Edit this response Write a response Email the author From: eric Date: Fri Oct 21 15:24:08 MST 2005 Subject: thoughts I think your bullies are very seldom people. More often than naught, they manifest as difficult tasks or uncomfortable decisions. Sometimes they come at you as demons and accusations from the evil one. Your response is to freeze in terror and be ashamed of your freezing, which leads to, after some time, a full-on attack against the bullies by you. The attack is spurred on by a vow never to feel the shame of "not knowing what to do" and "failure." Satan loves vows. I can only think of a few vows that Satan would be angry about. Our vows that are connected to shame and fear act as cement around the false belief we have about ourselves. Often enough they drive us into an emptiness that is terrifying dark. Repentance comes when we see that dark emptiness as the beckoning call of Jesus - I am the living water - not the safe water or the water to fill the emptiness, but the living water. In that dark empty place we find Christ the remover of cemented vows. The Volition of Repentance is a choosing to claim our identity in Christ and an asking for help from the Spirit and our community. Edit this response Write a response Email the author From: Karen Date: Fri Oct 21 16:23:39 MST 2005 Subject: Cool thoughts, Pastor E Right--if the bully isn't a person, when our "struggle is not with flesh & blood" (Paul's letter to the Ephesians), then I say, it's time for take-no- prisoners. The problem is that Big Bully tends to hide behind the pain caused by people we love or at least desire to please, Big Bully hides in fears about ourselves based in half-truths (AKA lies)... so Big Bully lives where I try to sleep, in my most personal space, lurking under my bed in the dark. So pass the flashlight of truth and the broom of the Spirit of God. I'd like to put on my glasses so I can smack it accurately, fast-moving cockroach that it is. Edit this response Write a response Email the author
	From: Boojeee Date: Sat Oct 22 10:12:20 MST 2005 Subject: chief warrior Rod, This seems a critical thing to consider, since I don't think the traditional wimpy Jesus idea is where God is leading you in our community. You are the one who draws your sword against the spiritual bullies to give us space to draw our own swords to fight. You stand as a physical protector between some of the physical hosts of spiritual darkness and us. I agree with Eric; your challenge is to stand firm in Truth. That is, to stick to Paul's admonition in Ephesians 6. "10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." And we need to be responding to this prayer that is Paul's and yours: "19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should." You believe in your gut the gospel of peace--the reality that God can reconcile to himself those who do evil. When you swing your sword against spiritual forces, you fight for us to be freed into Truth. When you stand against our physical bullies, you fight for our protection and their only hope for reconciliation which lies in full confession and repentance. I can see this isn't where you were when you were a kid with Loren, but I have seen you there in the now in the midst of our community. The stinky, sinful part is when you shrink back in fear instead of standing firm in the mystery of the gospel and the mighty power of Jesus as Lord. And standing firm sometimes means you hold up your sheild to deflect the flaming arrows and sometimes means you thrust forward with "the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." Do this with confidence that God has given you his own righteousness, salvation and peace. So let go of your fear-driven retreat and then blind lashing out, but please continue to stand firm in your God-given armor and with the weapons he has shown you. You are our chief warrior; we need you. One of the freed, Julie Edit this response Write a response Email the author From: Patricia Date: Sat Oct 22 12:32:13 MST 2005 Subject: re: Loren My dad was a cop and later an investigator. He often said that to be a good cop you have to be able to think like a thief. I have found that this way of thinking works here as well. If I were the Enemy, I'd keep you hostage with anything I could get my paws on. Loren seems to be a good tool. You don't know where he is now or what happened to him. Great opportunity to invoke guilt and a sense of futility... You may not know where Loren is but God does. Tell Him of your desire to repent and reconcile. The intention is worth more than it looks. And never wasting an effort, God is teaching you as you wrestle with and through this. Somewhere in there is the forgiveness factor for Loren and for you. I am confident that you will come out of this battle with more wisdom, more compassion and more ferver for the Truth. Edit this response Write a response Email the author

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