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Eric gave me an early Christmas present yesterday. He told me I have the gift of mercy. He has told me that before and I have always laughed at him because I know it isn't true. Back in the muddled past, I took a survey to determine my spiritual gifts and mercy was dead last on my list. The small group that I was in at the time began to call me Rod "No Mercy" Hugen. And I have to admit that I never much liked the gift of mercy. It weeps a lot and I don't like to cry. I know, I know, more baggage from my past...
Anyway, Eric told me that I have the gift of mercy and then he said that it was good because it was the heart of God. That to have the gift of mercy means that you feel what God feels. That you have His heart for people. So I told Eric that God must weep a lot because what we have done and what has been done to us is so very sad.
I sometimes see pictures when I pray. Sad pictures. Pictures that make me weep. Pictures of pain and sorrow and shame and regret. Awful pictures that I have a hard time getting out of my head and I am discovering that the only way to unload them is to hand them to God. To see Him weeping too. And He tells me it is okay. That He will redeem even what He has shown me. I can't imagine how He could do that until I see the healing He brings to people I love. People who acknowlege their shame and the pain and especially their sin can often recite those horrors as the place where God's mercy was brightest because that is where He came closest.
I don't know what it is like to 'wear' mercy. I like that Eric gave the insight of it to me. It pinches in some areas and is saggy in some other areas and I am trying to figure out how to put it on so that it fits correctly. Right now I kind of feel like I have my head stuck in a sleeve hole.
Thanks for the present, Eric. I would like to think that I have the heart of God.
Rod "Mercy" Hugen
(see, it even looks weird) | 
