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Yesterday I was scheduled for an MRI of my head so they could rule out any other causes for my hearing loss. I am highly claustrophobic and had to put my large body into a small tube while having my head held rigid inside a helmet that allows for no movement. I had to ask God to keep me from killing the kindly technicians with my bare hands... :)
Years ago I found out that I am allergic to iodine contrast dye. I found this out when I went code blue (stopped breathing) in the middle of a ct scan. They told me at the doctor's office that my MRI would be without contrast and I reminded the personnel that it could be fatal if they gave me contrast dye. They insisted they had to give me dye for this procedure but that it was not iodine based. Moreover, they asked me to sign a consent paper saying I knew the risks and would not sue them if I died. I argued with them for quite a while and finally decided to just trust God that if it was time to see Jesus face to face, I might soon be on my way.
Back in karate days, we learned this thing we called Sanchin. It was a kata in which you went into a deep dissociative state, hardening every muscle in our bodies (much like a cat does) while breathing deeply. The sensei would walk around us with a board or just his bare hands and feet, and look for weaknesses to attack. We slowly lengthened the time we could stay in this state as we became better at the extreme focus that was required. I remember him breaking boards against my body as he prowled around. I went deep into sanchin for the MRI and the technician laughed that I could keep my entire body rigid throughout the forty five minute procedure. It is probably not a Village value to dissociate, but it got me through the day. :)
I have not experienced any change in my ability to hear in the last week despite the massive doses of Prednisone. My left ear continues to pop and make noise. Sunday night was particularly painful as I realized that my love of listening to the worship music was tempered by the reality that there is a scratchy noise in my ear that almost hurts to sit in. The crowd noise was also tough to deal with after the service. I chose, however, not to dissociate. Please don't break boards on me during worship. :)
Thanks for your prayers. I had become quite angry with God over all this. An amazing time of healing my neck and arm issues followed by another tough loss. Really? It all seemed so unfair. I was at a prayer retreat in Carefree last week and the spiritual director ordered me to take baby steps around the campus and at every footfall to praise God for something. Each baby step required me to think of something new to praise God for. I resisted doing it, but eventually submitted and had the wonderful experience of thanking God for all I have instead of focusing on my losses. His goodness washed over me. We live in the age of decay. The director asked me if I knew I was going to die? If I knew that, if I lived long enough, I would lose my hearing, my eyesight, my strength? Lose everything? It was a hard reminder to know that we don't get out of this place alive. I want to reorder things, but you have to die before there is resurrection. I don't know yet what Rod 2.0 looks like, but I know Rod 1.0 is not going to survive forever.
Satan and his minions make me mad. I have said some foolish things out of that anger. I have said that he could take my hearing, but then I'd just help build six new churches instead of four. That was not a bright thing to say. I have since repented and asked God to protect me from the evil one and to not allow him to address my angry challenge. In this world you will have trouble, you don't need to ask for more. I ask that you also pray for my protection as I seek to use my gifts and passions to further the mission of our loving and kind Father. To him be all praise and glory, both in the victories and in the sufferings. What can I say, I love him with all of my being.
Rod | 
