Villagersonline : blogs : rodhugen : Goring oxes

From: rodhugen
Date: Thu Oct  9 16:06:00 EDT 2008
Subject: Goring oxes

Responses
derek: No Subject (10/9/08)
Karen: October story... (10/9/08)

russ: my $.02 (10/10/08)

Patricia: bullies (10/10/08)

Karen: Yep (10/11/08)

adriennelynne: No Subject (10/13/08)

Responses (sorted by date)
adriennelynne: No Subject (10/13/08)
Karen: Yep (10/11/08)
Patricia: bullies (10/10/08)
russ: my $.02 (10/10/08)
Karen: October story... (10/9/08)
derek: No Subject (10/9/08)

I am an ox according to some. Big, slow, hard to turn. Because I'm big,people assume I don't feel pain. They also think me capable of doing great damage to others. They smack me on my shoulder and I wince and they 'forget' that I am made up of flesh and blood and nerve endings and pain receptors and that I hurt as much as those who are smaller who we would seldom think to whack on the shoulder. I get nice labels--gentle giant, big teddy bear--but sometimes I rage inside and I want to lash back. Of course if a giant hits a small person, the giant is mean and nasty and not fit for life on the planet. So I often tolerate and smile
and try to understand what motivates the hitters and forgive them their trespasses.
Today I lost it a bit. The guy at the store smacked me hard on the shoulder. Hard enough to bring tears to my eyes. I hadn't seen him in quite a while and he remembered me though I only vaguely remember him. I calmly informed him that the shot to the shoulder was painful to me and he laughed and said, "A big guy like you can't take a pansy punch like that?" He swung at my shoulder again and this time I caught his arm with my good hand and twisted it hard. Too hard. I heard him yelp before I let go. He backed away, rubbing his arm and looking angry. He asked what the hell was wrong with me and I said that I was suffering problems in my neck and shoulder and that his 'gentle' punch caused me a lot of pain. A store employee asked if everything was okay. It was then that I noticed the other people standing nearby. Everybody was looking at me with fear in their eyes. I said I was sorry. The other guy said he was sorry, too. I was embarrassed and moved quickly away.
I studied Uechi Ryu karate for many years. I have been studying Kenpo these past few months. We are trained to react to threats quickly and efficiently. Gore or be gored. We are trained to react almost without thinking. The self defense patterns become a way of life. I hate that. I
hate that 'hurt people' hurt people. I hate that I am a hurter. I want to just suffer in silence. I want to not react in self defense. I want to not be angry at the injustices toward me and only react to the injustices toward others. I don't want to see fear in people's eyes that I have caused. I want to accept the blows and offer love in return. I wish I was more like the One described in Isaiah 53...
But I choose to gore when I am gored.
Rod

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From: derek
Date: Thu Oct  9 17:11:48 EDT 2008
Subject:

I enjoy when doctors or nurses give us double medications because "we're so big, we can handle it." Then we're loopy for hours because its far more than we should ever be getting.
Or when small children stare up at us in amazement ... and sometimes fear.
Or when we walk around a corner at the same time as someone else and they scream; walk the same street as them at night, and they constantly look over their shoulder, cross to the other side of the street.
Or that time at my great grandma's funeral when the worker asked about my shoe size, then proceeded to laugh and make jokes like "wow, I bet you could ski in those things!" ... at my great grandma's funeral, a woman who had loved me and helped raise me, whose death I was mourning.
When I had heel problems for years, part of me wanted crutches, not to help with the pain, but just to show other people that what I was feeling was real. That I wasn't lazy, or trying to grab attention, but that when I walked my heels burned so badly I barely could.
I see how hard it is for you, not being able to lift things, not wanting to ask for help because you know the looks you'll get, the questions you'll have to answer. That people can't comprehend someone as big as you having trouble lifting something. It's dehumanizing, it makes you alone in your pain. I'm sorry at what you have to go through in all of this. Rely on your family and your friends ... and when you need to, twist a guy's arm until he screams. Being human is good.

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From: Karen
Date: Thu Oct  9 18:39:34 EDT 2008
Subject: October story...

I'm not sorry you did what you did to that guy. He may not have intended to hurt you when he first "playfully" swung at you, but his response to what you said was defensive, rude, and inappropriate. He didn't respect your stated boundaries. Sometimes folks like that need to learn the hard way.
I know you think you went too far in defending yourself, but I'm going on record saying I think what you did was OK.
Maybe he'll think twice about making assumptions about when it's OK to swat at folks, and that's a good thing. I guess he didn't learn in middle school not to "play fight" everywhere he went...especially with someone who isn't your close friend. Alpha male behavior, with BAD BOUNDARIES. Blecccch.
If someone tried to touch me in a way I didn't like, and I told them to stop, and they kept going.... they'll be lucky if they don't get a key jabbed in a soft spot!

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From: russ
Date: Thu Oct  9 20:25:15 EDT 2008
Subject: my $.02

Rod, I'm not going to try to figure out whether what you did to the guy was right or wrong...it's a hard question. Part of me agrees with Karen & Derek, part of me doesn't.
But I know who you are. You are huge, but you truly are gentle. Not the "gentle giant" sort of stereotype - somebody who restrains himself because otherwise he causes damage. You are genuinely, deeply gentle, with a heart of mercy and care for others. I'm sure that there are lies you are attacked with that say "I'm just that way because I have to be," but they're lies. You are a gentle man. Who happens to be huge. And I love both of those parts of you!
Come to think of it, if you were praying for somebody like you in that situation, what would your mercy gift have wanted for them? I have a sneaking suspicion you might have felt that the reaction was justified, or at the very least quite understandable. Remember that you said grief is "selfishness that god allows? Maybe this is something similar to that. :)

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From: Patricia
Date: Fri Oct 10 16:46:49 EDT 2008
Subject: bullies

In my experience as a mom of school-age children I have learned that bullies come in all sizes.
In my experience as a tall woman I have learned that small men are often the most vicious.
Rod, you were served insult upon injury. May your heart and your shoulder heal.

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From: Karen
Date: Fri Oct 10 21:52:17 EDT 2008
Subject: Yep

Bullies need grace, too, but sometimes grace comes in the form of saying NO. With a strong hand in the way of further pushing.

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From: adriennelynne
Date: Sun Oct 12 20:39:31 EDT 2008
Subject:

So I guess I am your antithesis at 5'2. And I've never noticed your heighth at all.... although I do love your voice. :) And I love Karen, Sue, and Keith's voices too.
And I wish that we weren't so caught up in looks. How tall or short or thin or wide or pretty. It would sure help a lot of aching hearts.
With the birth of a son who will look different than everyone else I think I will be entering into this pain with you. Just the pain of the expectation that looking a certain way requires you to be a certain way.
I am sorry that you had that experience at the store. But don't let Satan lie to you. He's a joy stealer. And you deserve joy...lots and lots of joy.

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