Responses
corwithani: Sweet (1/18/09)
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Responses (sorted by date)
corwithani: Sweet (1/18/09)
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God is funny. He works so outside of my time frames and my ideas and my expectations. He doesn’t respond to my foot stomping or my demands or even to my legitimate longings in any way that resembles what I suspect should happen. I always think that he has abandoned me or wants to punish me or hates me because of who I am and what I do and I have to fight to remember that he is gracious and good and never lets go of the kids he loves. Even his really big, unruly, sinful kids. It is so fun to experience his outrageous grace.
I dreamed about a place where people could hear about God and encounter his love expressed through his people. I dreamed about a place where unbelievers and believers and doubters and the sure and the scared and the scarred and the lost and the hopeless and the blessed and those who have caught glimpses could all gather and hang out and love and create and share and hope and dream and live out the mission of God. I’ve dreamed about this for a long time. I’ve dreamed about it while doubting it would ever be true. I tried to make deals with God about it (he doesn’t make deals). I offered to disappear completely if it would only be so. I offered to suffer for it. God never took me up on my offers. He gave and gave and gave again and now he gives me the desire of my heart. And should he take it away tomorrow, still I would rejoice. Because he is so funny. He makes me giggle with joy. He never answers with clear yeses and clear nos. There are always convoluted strange backdoor inside out ways that he works.
Along the way he has changed the desires of my heart. Along the way he has crushed me. Along the way he made me do things I thought I’d never do. Along the way he made me a preacher. Along the way he gave me beautiful people to come along side me and carry me. Along the way he made me bow my knees. Along the way he taught me to pray out of hopelessness. Along the way he gave me the gift of pain and the gift of mercy. Along the way he taught me to trust. And it goes on...
People unknown to me and us give the Village $300,000.00. Kind, generous people who have walked with us for years faithfully send in donations. We throw a banquet and people bless us. I feel shame and doubt and fear when I ask people to help us. I forget to say thank you. Their generosity makes mine and ours pale in comparison. Much of the money we received came from ordinary people with ordinary incomes. People who struggled and scrimped and denied themselves so that we could have a place of our own. People who chose not to go out to eat or buy the latest gadget or a new car so that they could help make the kingdom of God advance.
As we receive this amazing gift of a place of our own, we need to remember that God has given us of his bounty and that we need to steward well this gift. We need to be as generous to others as they have been to us. We need to fully live out our values in this new place we will soon call home in order to truly honor what others have sacrificed and given.
I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Tears of joy keep falling. I especially love that we only had a couple of weeks when we were told to leave the place we were at to go to Bethel. I love that two weeks before we had to leave Bethel, we found a perfect place in the Muse. I love that when they were going to tear down the Muse and we would soon be homeless, the lovely Lutherans took us in. I love that a few short weeks from now we would have been homeless again. We had no options. No one returned my calls. There was no place to go. Eric and I talked about meeting in the park. Meeting in homes. Meeting not at all. If things go according to plan, we will close escrow January 30. February 1 would have been our first homeless Sunday. Pretty funny. Pretty fun.
Thank you, God. |