Villagersonline : blogs : lizzies : realization

From: lizzies
Date: Mon Mar 15 19:02:15 EDT 2010
Subject: realization

Responses
kelsea: No Subject (3/16/10)
kimc: I can relate. . . (3/16/10)

clrclady: this is so good (3/18/10)

Boojeee: o the deep love of Jesus (3/21/10)

Responses (sorted by date)
Boojeee: o the deep love of Jesus (3/21/10)
clrclady: this is so good (3/18/10)
kimc: I can relate. . . (3/16/10)
kelsea: No Subject (3/16/10)

The song we've been singing around our house for the past three weeks finally sunk in to me during Abby's doctor's appointment this morning. We picked up a "Sunday School Songs for Toddlers" CD at the library with some good ol' favorites. One that Luke especially liked goes like this: "Oh the Lord's been good to me! And so I thank the Lord. For giving me the things I need, the sun and the moon and the appleseeds. The Lord's been good to me!"
For a couple of weeks I thought the tune was a little corny and then I started singing it too. And finally today it hit me that the Lord HAS been good to ME.
My latest fear/worry is related to suddenly not having health insurance. It was never an issue until last year when for the first time in my life we qualfied for AHCCCS. After getting over the shame of being on state health insurance, I came to really rely on and find security in having it. BAM. A year later we lost it.
For a couple of months it felt like the end of the world. For me, a person always concerned about the bigger picture and wanting to have control of my future, being without that safety blanket seemed ridiculous. Even irresponsible. I felt resentment building inside me along with all fear of all of the "what ifs".
To make a long story a little shorter, today I walked in to El Rio Health Center to see a doctor there for the first time. Instead of feeling shame about it, I walked in with gratitude. I was treated like a human being, received excellent care for Abby and walked out humming, "Oh the Lord's been good to me". Because He has. The truth is that for 37 years He has never dropped me from His tender hands. His fingerprints are all over my life. He has given me not only "the things I need and the appleseeds", but often much more than I deserve.
And He alone holds my future. My worrying about it doesn't change that. My fear of the "what ifs" don't matter. He has given my kids perfect health at this stage in their lives and He knows exactly how to take care of us if anything changes in that department. I repent of trying to be god of my future.
Consider the lilies of the field. . . It seems like some of us waste too much time crying about the past or fearing for our futures. He is here NOW and He has chosen us to be loved and forgiven. That is enough for today. To God alone be the glory.

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From: kelsea
Date: Tue Mar 16 14:22:18 EDT 2010
Subject:

Liz, I love that song. We used to sing those particular lines at summer camp as a prayer before meals. Thanks for the reminder that God takes care of us.

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From: kimc
Date: Tue Mar 16 14:48:43 EDT 2010
Subject: I can relate. . .

Yes, that theme seemed to envelope my life after we moved here and Aaron started his business again in Tucson. Aaron and I had paid off a lot of debt and felt sure we were in a better place. I was meeting with Rod at the time each week. I was pressuring Aaron to come through for me with a budget plan. I really feared asking for help. I remember Rod telling me my security was not in Aaron or the plan or myself. I so wanted to fix it all!
We must have prayed a lot about it. He also said that it's parents job to help us when we need it--if they can. That was horrors to me! I didn't want to need them! Anyways, last year we couldn't make our mortgage one month and asked for help. My earlier conversations with Rod helped me not to feel shame in doing it. It also was one of the five times I can count where my dad or stepdad has acted fatherly to me and extended grace. It was really healing. We did not pay them back. We just received it.
I struggled too when we lost our state health insurance and had to go to the clinic. As I shared with you, I think they provided better care and I miss it! Ironic!
BUT...Through it all my heart got something. I find that so encouraging! I don't worry as much over Aaron's jobs or lack thereof. I have a lot more peace. Working a budgetary plan is good, and we are now on the same page again. I am thankful for it. Bottom line is, though, that God has been good to us and will continue to be good. He's SO good that he provided Rod, my parents, better income and now health care coverage again.
The greatest gift he gave was the lesson and experience that my security is in Him always. I'm sure I'll forget, so you all can keep reminding me!
PS I also practiced enjoying my house and things I have TODAY instead of when all the projects are done. That may never happen and all we have is now--like you said, Liz. Thanks for sharing!!!

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From: clrclady
Date: Wed Mar 17 20:03:52 EDT 2010
Subject: this is so good

This is what God is telling me too, Liz. Thanks for sharing. I have been memorizing Psalm 23 as of late and it goes : The Lord is my Shepherd: I have everything that I need. in the NLT. I have everything that I need. Not everything that I want, but everything that I need. He provids. These past two months have been evident of that so emensely in his provinsion for me and just blessing for me. What I have to do is learn to rest in the green meadow and by the peacful stream. I do not often rest in the simple goodness of having everything that I need. I franticly go after everything else, whatever that maybe or stress out and worry about everything else when God has it taken care of, and I do not just rest. Thanks for the encouragement to just rest in God's good.

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From: Boojeee
Date: Sun Mar 21 16:45:43 EDT 2010
Subject: o the deep love of Jesus

Thanks for posting Liz. It reminded me of when Jesse was a baby and I was thinking of a good bedtime song, I asked myself "what is something I'd like Jesse to know at a really gut level?" I decided on "O the Deep Love of Jesus." So for his early years I sung it to him 3x a day and then 2x a day and then just at night. It wasn't until middle school that he decided he was "too old to be sung to at night." Very sad day. I've continued singing it to Anna and will until she decides to move on. I remember a few years ago I realized that as much as I was offering this infusion of the knowledge of God's love to my kids, God was offering it to me. And those were pretty dark years when my kids were young, as I was under a heavy weight of depression.
While I've been alone in Dallas taking care of my mom [who has advanced dementia], I've been struggling with some old sins that have opened the door to a barrage of lies and dark thoughts. Last night and this morning were pretty bad. Then, when I came downstairs to start my day, I looked out the windows and there was several inches of snow! [In March, in Dallas, TX! See pictures in "pictures section of villagersonline.com] I love snow. It has always felt peaceful and rejuvenating to me. This morning in washed away all my dark thoughts and felt like a beautiful expression of God's love and grace for me. He's funny that way, loving us and giving us good gifts even though we're such sinners.
by S. Trevor Francis, 1875.
O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean
in its fullness over me!
Underneath me, all around me,
is the current of Thy love
Leading onward, leading homeward
to Thy glorious rest above!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
spread His praise from shore to shore!
How He loveth, ever loveth,
changeth never, nevermore!
How He watches o�er His loved ones,
died to call them all His own;
How for them He intercedeth,
watcheth o�er them from the throne!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
love of every love the best!
�Tis an ocean full of blessing,
�tis a haven giving rest!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
�tis a heaven of heavens to me;
And it lifts me up to glory,
for it lifts me up to Thee!

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