From: eric
Date: Tue Nov 15 13:36:26 MST 2005
Subject: I spent Friday

Responses Patricia: indeed (11/15/05) Responses (sorted by date) Patricia: indeed (11/15/05) I spent Friday and Saturday helping my father run an "Encouragement" weekend retreat. I'm the opening and closing act - so to speak. I had to come home early, so I didn't close it up this week. The primary goal of the retreat is to help leaders develop community among themselves, and to learn how to better help the people they are working with. I love being a part of what my dad does. I feel like I'm in my element and I can have a tangible impact. Also, I probably won't have a lot of contact with the different communities, so I don't have to deal with the struggle of being their pastor. I could list the many incredible things that have happened at the Village over the last two years, but they don't change the way I feel. As a Pastor, I often struggle with the question of - why on earth am I doing this? How come I'm not Rob Bell? Why does it have to be so painful? Maybe I don't have what it takes to be a Pastor? The questions continue, and I find myself unhappily believing in some strange value system developed by my own self doubt and the lies of Satan. While all those questions wander through my head, I realize that I don't want to stop being a pastor. I love the Village. I love the people. It is the first community I have ever been in - where I have seen real change happen in people's lives. The change at times has been mind blowing. I guess, a lot times I'm just afraid that God is going to take it all away from me - that somehow he's just playing with me - just giving me a taste of what is good - but great will always be out of reach. Will I have an income next year? Will the Village every have its own place? Again, the questions seem to plague me . . . Susan helped me realize something last night - In the end, I spend a lot of time looking to other people to give me value. I want people to say good job Eric. We love you. You really helped us. ETC . . . I have a hard time believing that God's approval is enough. I'm sure that there is something fundamentally wrong with me that subverts Christ's approval and love for me. The reason I love the Breast Plate of ST. Patrick is that it provides such a powerful reminder of where my true identity comes from, and who is helping me offer what God has created me to be. It is in Christ. Christ in the ear of those who hear me, Christ in the eyes of those who see me. E

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From: Patricia
Date: Tue Nov 15 13:03:50 MST 2005
Subject: indeed