What have we done?
Has Christmas destroyed gift giving?
I have long had an unsettling feeling about Christmas. It seems to grow stronger every year as I discover more and more the joy of giving gifts to those I love. Why? It is a hard feeling to describe. It seems like I would love Christmas more and more as I love giving gifts more since it is the season of gift giving. But herein lies the problem I think.
For me a large part of the joy in giving gifts is in the unexpectedness of the gift. When I come home on a random day from the store with flowers for my wife I enjoy it because it is unexpected. It is a pure expression of my love for her unencumbered by any expectations; however, when I give her a gift for her birthday or Christmas, there is an element of obligation. This sours the experience for me. The fact that if I didn't do it I would engender offense and hostility sours the experience somehow.
This I suppose is my problem with Christmas. It institutionalizes giving as a form of even exchange. I'll get you a gift, but if you don't get me one, I'll be offended. This thinking has ingrained itself so deeply on our Christmas spirit, if I don't get you something, I will know you are hurt, even if you don't show it, because I would be a little hurt and wouldn't show it. This is what Christmas does to me. It transforms me from a joyous gift-giver to a shameless transactional givver. It reduces gift giving in me to a set of obligations. How much should I spend on so and so's gift? How little can I get a decent gift for? Can I combine a couple of gifts? This thinking is also related to the cost of giving the number of gifts I am obligated by the Christmas spirit to give. The stress of having to squeeze the budget to meet a huge number of financial obligations placed on me by the spirit of Christmas deadens any hope I might have of enjoying the holiday for what it is.
So now I'm off to the mall to buy all of the gifts I know I have to give and won't enjoy giving nearly as much as if they were truly given so that I can feel at peace about receiving a bunch of gifts that others won't enjoy giving as much as they could so that we can uphold the traditional spirit of the season and not be seen as that scourge Scrooge. |