Villagersonline : blogs : emily : the NAME list

From: emily
Date: Sun Jul 27 19:11:35 EDT 2008
Subject: the NAME list

Responses
SPark: List alternatives... (7/28/08)

MaryKay: Motives (7/30/08)

andrea: thanks! (7/30/08)

Patricia: Strong Feelings (7/31/08)

rodhugen: response (8/1/08)

KeithB: ...well okay then... (8/1/08)

kimc: my thoughts (8/1/08)

Boojeee: recent conversation (8/1/08)

Responses (sorted by date)
Boojeee: recent conversation (8/1/08)
kimc: my thoughts (8/1/08)
rodhugen: response (8/1/08)
KeithB: ...well okay then... (8/1/08)
Patricia: Strong Feelings (7/31/08)
andrea: thanks! (7/30/08)
MaryKay: Motives (7/30/08)
SPark: List alternatives... (7/28/08)

Well, I thought I would offer some thoughts from the mind of a person struggling with the idea of sending letters to my friends and family asking for funds. Jeff and I feel very uncomfortable when we receive these types of requests from people who have not talked to us about it first.
As Jeff and I have talked over our hesitations I find that we are:
not wanting to put people on the spot and make them wonder if they should send a donation in order to honor the relationship...
not wanting to send requests for money to family members who have purposefully turned away from Christianity...
not wanting to make people feel that we have been content to stay relatively "out of touch" until we want money from them...
not wanting to be just another solicitor trying to get to their money before someone else does....
not wanting to be asking for money from people attending other churches that we have been snobby about in the past when we thought that we were so special and they needed to get with the program.....
Basically, we don't want to give any names to the LIST at all. But on the other hand, we don't want to just be a burden on the Village and not participate. And asking for money is a sure fire way to get it so it's not a bad idea. All the other possibilities (with the exception of the fund-raising letter to businesses) require a lot of labor for small amounts of income.
I did pursue the ideas from my particular group. I asked my dad about asking for money at his church and he said that his church is just not giving outside of their own ministries right now. They are struggling financially and have cut back on their outside giving in order to focus on their own things. This is a very big church with lots and lots of members with income. Well, I guess that idea isn't going to fly for me....
So back to the LIST. As we heard more and more about the LIST I began to feel that not giving any names at all was going to send a particular message. You can't just abstain. You either send in names or you are refusing to pull your own weight and are thereby communicating that you don't really care about the group.
I am not a lazy, uncaring person. But I won't make the choice to agree to something just because its makes me look like one. No matter how much I HATE being misunderstood.
But I don't have any better ideas for fund-raising that I'm willing to work on. So I asked God to help. I asked him to help me see if there was any way to send fund-raising letters to people without being disrespectful to family and friends.
He sent me a friend with a pep talk and some ideas for boundaries that we can use to decide who gets a letter. So here are the things that are making this easier for me:
1. On hearing that we wanted to send out fund-raising letters and my hesitations, my friend said that she understood but it wasn't as bad as I thought. People know Jeff and me and know that we don't just make a habit of using people.
Also, she said, we all want to know about your opportunity to get the big money "Its all for the Kingdom, isn't it?" I realized as she said that, that asking for money is in some ways honoring friends from other churches by throwing our lot in with theirs and assuming that we are all headed for the same goal. Humbling ourselves to ask fellow Christians for money is honoring to the body of Christ.
2. Some practical boundaries that work for Jeff and me and our particular set of friends and family:
a. If we haven't connected with them in the last
year then they don't get a letter.
b. We want to see the letter first and then decide who should get it. We'd like to see minimal "sales" talk and lots of description of who we are as well as a big feature about our unique opportunity through an anonymous donor.
c. We would like to hand deliver (Trizia's idea) some of the letters to neighbors so that we can talk to them as we give them the letter.
d. We would like to give a list of names as a commitment but not give addresses. We will mail them ourselves. This is not because we think that the Village would do anything further with the addresses but rather to make us feel that we are still the ones responsible for doing the asking.
EmilyMc

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	From: SPark Date: Mon Jul 28 15:51:37 EDT 2008 Subject: List alternatives... I too have been struggling with the Name List idea. I remember when I was in high school I went on a summer missions trip that I had to get money for. I send letters to all my parent's friends and acquaintances who were Christians, and got the money I needed. As an adult, I look back on that experience and feel that there was something not-quite-right about the way I did that. I think that most people who gave money did so not because of a conversation they had with God about whether to give, but because they were friends of my parents, and it was easier for them to write a check for 20 bucks than to feel bad about not supporting their friend's kid. That isn't the worst thing in the world, but I want something better for The Village. I want the money that we raise to be given out of God's urging in people's hearts, and not because it is just the easier road for some people (because if often feels easier to say "yes" than to say "no", in these types of cases). Maybe I am being too idealistic here? I'm not saying that God should somehow speak to people without any help from me. I'm not expecting that people will get the urge to give us money if they haven't even heard that we need it (although that can happen...). So I do still feel a responsibility to tell people I know about what is going on with our church. This is actually harder for me than it would be to give a name and address and send them a letter, but it feels like the way I, personally, should do it. I hope I am not making people who are giving names to the list feel bad. I don't think that doing the list is a bad thing, I just don't feel that it is the right thing for me. With all that in mind, I've been trying to think of how I could come up with a thousand dollars or so to contribute to the building fund. Here are some ideas I have come up with so far: 1) sell some stuff I have been holding on to "just in case I want it later" - wedding dress maybe, sports equipment, stuff in my storage area... 2) make some toddler furniture and sell it 3) try to sell some artwork (emphasis on try) 4) go without something every month and put that money away towards the building fund 5) pick up an occasional odd job and donate the money from that (OK, with the baby to take care of I probably won't do this one, but craigslist lists some one or two day jobs that I used to consider doing...) 6) Call / email some people I know and talk to them about what is going on with the Village Any other ideas out there? - Susan P Edit this response Write a response Email the author From: MaryKay Date: Wed Jul 30 03:24:23 EDT 2008 Subject: Motives I went to bed tonight exhausted and sure I was going to fall into a deep sleep but instead I lay there with thoughts about whether or not I should respond to what has been written regarding the fundraising letter. So here I am writing instead of sleeping, offering myself instead of hiding behind the conviction that those who read this might not understand what I want to say and judge me harshly. For most of my life I lived a very self imposed isolated existence. Me, myself and I would have the most interesting conversations that took place in my mind. It was during those conversations that I developed the habit of making judgments about others actions, their motives and the reasons they behaved as they did. What this gave me was the belief that I didn�t need to get to know them because I already had them figured out. It also gave me an excuse not to have to rely on anyone and a conviction that it was too risky to ask anyone for help. As time has passed and much healing has come I have seen just how destructive and paralyzing it can be to assume you know what others are thinking and what their motives are. I have chosen to allow those that will receive fundraising letters from me the right to make up their own minds about how they will respond. If they respond out of unhealthy motives, that is between them and God and has nothing to do with who I am or what I�ve asked of them. Hopefully I will have already shared my heart with them about The Village and if I haven�t yet hopefully the letter will give me the opportunity to do so. Those on our list are people we have a deep connection with either now or in the past and know our hearts already. So there you have what�s been on my mind and heart. What I�ve written is not written in judgment but as an encouragement for all of us to let go of our own fears, not to trust ourselves for results and not to worry about getting it right. Edit this response Write a response Email the author From: andrea Date: Wed Jul 30 13:00:48 EDT 2008 Subject: thanks! MK- thanks for the courage to speak up and may you sleep well now. Edit this response Write a response Email the author From: Patricia Date: Thu Jul 31 00:05:53 EDT 2008 Subject: Strong Feelings Reading Emily�s blog and Susan�s contribution, I have come to realize just how intense my feelings are on the subject. I�m going to take the risk of honest disclosure here. It has been very hard for me to get used to the merchandizing and soliciting practices in this country. I have been invited to a variety of sales parties, offering Pampered Chef, Tupper Ware, Mary Kay, jewelry, candles, home d�cor, lingerie, children�s toys, the list goes on and on. After only a couple of such experiences I could not help but feeling used by the person who invited me. The most offensive aspect was their bragging about the freebees they get for having so many people show up and having made so many sales. I no longer accept such invitations. I also do not buy girls scout cookies, because it bothers me that little girls are being turned into sales people. For similar reasons do I not allow my children to sell cookie dough, pralines, gift wrap or whatever else their school might be selling in order to raise funds. We have sold a grand total of one Entertainment book in nine years of school involvement. We have, however, bought several of them over the years, to use ourselves, and to give as gifts. Any solicitor who calls my house uninvited receives a �no�. The harder they press, the firmer I get. The last call I took was from some kind of fire fighter�s fund, and I wound up inviting the caller to make a donation to our hell-fire fighting efforts via villagersonline.com. Oddly, they haven�t called again. Could it be that they appreciate solicitation as much as I?? When all is said and done, I must still wrestle with the utter disdain I feel for any kind of UNINVITED soliciting. I'm okay with offering the names of my contacts, but I prefer to leave it up to them to reveal the rest of their info. Besides, I plan to hand deliver all my letters. With more than this I'm just not comfortable. Trizia Edit this response Write a response Email the author From: rodhugen Date: Fri Aug 1 00:44:18 EDT 2008 Subject: response Wow, Trizia, you do have strong feelings. I agree with much of what you say regarding Pampered Chef and Tupperware parties. Solicitors annoy me, also, and I am quite abrupt with them. That said, I think I was the one who bought the Entertainment Book from you guys and I was delighted to do so because I enjoy helping your kids. I like supporting things my friends are positively impacted by. I support numerous causes and missionaries and am always delighted to hear from them, both about what God is doing and about their needs. I have a limited amount of money I can give, but if it is at all possible, I try to support folks who are doing positive things in the Kingdom. Obviously I have to say no far more often than yes. If I may gently push back, let me assure you and others who feel as you do that we are in no way demanding that you 'solicit' your friends or beg them for money for our building fund. I share your revulsion for high pressure sales tactics or any kind of pressure to 'buy in'. But I do believe in supporting things that are good. I have to be made aware of those good things that are happening. How would you propose that we let people know about the cool thing God has done in providing this amazing matching gift? When I proposed the banquet in Phoenix it was because I wanted to share the beauty of what the Village is with people who know and love me and like to participate in what I am doing. I didn't harass them or knock on their doors or feel like I was making them do something they didn't want to do. But I did make them aware of what God seemed to be doing in our community. No one who went to the banquet has suggested that it was a 'sales job'. Instead they continually talk about the amazing thing God is doing at the Village. If you, and others who feel similarly, wish to not offer names, that's great, but your comments make it seem as though those of us who have taken delight in this process are somehow wrong and that we should be ashamed. That is a bit hurtful. Perhaps you could come to the party and help others who do not share your concerns take delight in bringing the good things God is doing in the Village to the attention of their friends. I asked my friends in Phoenix and they responded with love and affection and an amazing outpouring of generosity. That is how the broader kingdom works, I think. My livelihood is based on God's people being generous. If no one knew about the Village, Eric and I would not be able to serve as pastors. People have been generous to us, but only because they are aware of our needs, our dreams, and our desires. Edit this response Write a response Email the author
	From: KeithB Date: Thu Jul 31 23:44:45 EDT 2008 Subject: ...well okay then... It wasn't my idea. I don't really want to ask people for money. I don't like being uncomfortable. It is very uncomfortable asking people I haven't seen or talked to for months or years to support our church financially. When this whole thing came up, I immediately had great reasons why I shouldn't. All those reasons have to do with how it will make me feel, or what they will think of me, or my fear of looking like a used car salesman. I can't come up with a just basis for my perspective -- it's really about my image. Me. I pretty much agree with everybody who has blogged here... except that I decided from the get-go that the way I would deal with my discomfort was to take whatever letter we come up with, change it to communicate my own caveats and disclaimers, and send it to my people. I can write the right words to make sure they know where I'm coming from, and I'm sure I'll get over the ordeal after a little while. :-) Basically, I chose to support the effort and not make it a big issue. Not exactly what makes me most comfortable...but whatever. Edit this response Write a response From: kimc Date: Fri Aug 1 12:14:32 EDT 2008 Subject: my thoughts We are all stirred up about this idea. It is risky and hard to trust what God has invited us into--raising money. It wasn't anybody's idea at the Village, but here we are. I LOVE the fact that we are getting together to do this. I love being together with you, so that sounds fun to me and less hard than trying to find the time and know how to enter names into the existing database. Whoever came up with the party idea--"THANK YOU!" Genious! I appreciate you Rod for modeling risk for us. It is clear to me that putting on the banquet was that for you. Those are all your people and you risked sharing your heart with them. You led us. Thank You. I have resistance to gathering my names. Mostly again this is about ME. What will they think? Is it appropriate to the relationship? ETC. ETC. Maybe I am not thinking hard enough about it--but that is my repentance anyway. So, I am going to gather my names at our gathering, trust that God will speak to my heart as I go through them, and then I will just go for it! I will risk relationships (again), risk hoping for a building, risk dreaming of a coffee shop and risk believing God can work through the awkwardness we all feel. I am thankful the letter has been written and is adaptable. But, in all reality I will probably not adapt it at all. I trust those who put it together. I really appreciate Mary Kay's thoughts on doing our part and leaving the results to God. That is a hard concept to keep living in many areas of my life, but it rings so true to my soul. So here we go again... Edit this response Write a response
	From: Boojeee Date: Fri Aug 1 15:51:02 EDT 2008 Subject: recent conversation I recently had coffee with a friend of mine who is a Wycliffe missionary back in the States on a short furlough. She is someone that I pray for a lot and happily get her prayer letters and support requests. For quite some time now, I have felt like God was asking us to tithe to the Village and not other ministries [which, for those of you who split your tithe, is not something I think is better or right, just what I've felt God wanted from us]. So the up shot of this is that we have not been supporting this friend and her family even though I get regular updates and requests. So then maybe I'm in really close contact with this friend and she feels supported by me in that way. To my shame, I have been deplorable about keeping in contact with this friend [as I am with most friends who don't live here] even though I love her very much. So as I enjoyed a coffee with her, we talked about our lives and she asked about the Village [which she prays for and gets updates about]. I told her about the money that had been offered us and the $100,000 we were trying to raise and about the banquet and such. Then I sheepishly told her we'd be sending out these letters to try to raise some of it and that she'd probably get one. She would be someone that I would send a letter to with fear and shame because of my lack of involvement in her life. On the contrary, she seemed content to happy to receive a letter and it wouldn't surprise me if they gave something to the Village, not because she would feel obligated, but because they like to support good things that are happening in the Kingdom. She was very encouraging that lots of people like to give one-time gifts even though monthly support [which they have to raise] is more difficult to find. Now maybe my friend is just extremely gracious and godly [which is probably true], but when I consider what it's like for me to receive her letters or other letters, I don't know... Initially, I get hit with guilt: maybe I should be giving to my friend or whatever ministry it is. I have to check back in with God: what do you want me to do here? Sometimes I get annoyed [not usually by this friend's stuff, but by other requests that I get]: why are they asking me? I think this is good for me. It causes me think about the Kingdom beyond our community. It causes me to pray for work that I otherwise would be oblivious to. Even praying for people who are doing things that I don't fully agree with seems useful in the Kingdom for their sake or maybe more for my own humility training. I guess coming up with names and sending letters is pretty uncomfortable for me [especially since I'm so bad at keeping in contact with people], but I'm not sure that that means I shouldn't do it. Certainly my friend would say: "Go for it!" even though she's one I "should" be ashamed to send one to. Not that this means that those of you who are struggling in your conscience about giving names should do it anyway; I think it's good to ask God about it. I'm gonna just prayerfully come up with a list and believe that God is bigger than my fears about it. Edit this response Write a response Email the author

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