From: Suki
Date: Tue Mar 16 22:19:16 MST 2004
Subject: Your thoughts?

Wow, Derek. That's a whopping diagnosis. How are you feeling about it?

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From: derek
Date: Wed Mar 17 13:51:00 MST 2004
Subject: Thoughts

From: MaryKay
Date: Wed Mar 17 14:31:48 MST 2004
Subject: How can I help?

From: Boojeee
Date: Wed Mar 17 16:00:55 MST 2004
Subject: with ya, man

From: mike
Date: Wed Mar 17 21:18:19 MST 2004
Subject: sorry

From: stevek
Date: Thu Mar 18 12:16:53 MST 2004
Subject: psyciatrists

From: Karen
Date: Thu Mar 18 14:30:15 MST 2004
Subject: "Name it and claim it" :-)

Sometimes it's a relief just to have a name for something. Naming it, being able to begin to define it correctly brings back some of our power. Well, this is coming from a word-obsessed person :-) Derek, I've been praying--and otherwise pulling--for you for the last week and a half. I was relieved to see you over at Scott's last Thursday. Please don't try to hide during this time (unless alone time is really what you need).

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From: derek
Date: Thu Mar 18 23:30:02 MST 2004
Subject: A Response

From: stevek
Date: Fri Mar 19 13:52:41 MST 2004
Subject: serotonin

From: derek
Date: Tue Mar 23 15:40:37 MST 2004
Subject: Volume II

Okay, just hit my second doctors visit, we didn't get much further. . . He still wants to get my mania and anxiety under control before we do anything else. He doubled my dosage of Clonazepam, and increased its use to 3 times daily. Looking at stimulants for ADD sometime in the next few weeks. He wants me to do the art project I was working on for Saturday. (Painting is my ultimate manic phase. I end up pacing the room, cussing, my hands shake, feel insane, etc.) So, I've been very strongly avoiding it the last few weeks. He told me to take a ton of Clonazepam and tell him how it goes. I should make another appointment for 7-10 days. By then the Paxil will have kicked in, and we can proceed futher. Also, he's having trouble finding someone to do psych testing, but he's still working on it. Going to work is still up to me. Do whatever I can handle.

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From: Karen
Date: Tue Mar 23 16:00:12 MST 2004
Subject: Painting

From: clrclady
Date: Wed Mar 24 13:11:20 MST 2004
Subject: thoughts

Derek- Just read your blog, I am a little slow on the website thing. Time just seems to fade away when I try to get online. But anyway, to the point of things. I am sorry that you are having to go through this right now and my prayers have and will go out for you. Mania is crazy making and there are many things that we self medicate with. I pray specifically that you do not isolate yourself from those around you. It is easy to do as that is how I have dealt with my highs and lows for years. Medicine does help, but it comes with other hastles and problems (like crashing at 9pm sometimes when you want to stay up). I have been struggling with the right dosage and timeframe for my own medication for Bipolar for a while now and the process is long. My word of encouragement is to hold on and don't hide away. You will get through even this and there are many people who care deeply about you to help you along the way. Cheryl

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From: blancaro
Date: Thu Mar 25 10:21:00 MST 2004
Subject: thankful for you

From: derek
Date: Wed Mar 31 12:22:06 MST 2004
Subject: Volume 3

Okay, third visit. . . -Keep on keeping on with my current meds. Paxil should start kicking in soon. Probably in a week. -He's not sure whether to treat me for depression or for bi-polar depression -He prescribed a mood stabilizer (don't remember what it's called) and he wants me to call him tomorrow with info on how I'm feeling -He wants me to make another apointment in a week __________________________________________________________ I was reading up on bi-polar on the internet and symptoms of mania and depression. They had great things to say about the "mixed episode" which sounds basically like what I'm going through Mania feeling high, euphoric, or irritable plus at least 4 of the following -needing little sleep yet having great amounts of energy -talking so fast that others cannot follow you -having racing thoughts -being so easily distracted that your attention shifts between many topics in just a few minutes -having an inflated feeling of power, greatness, or importance -doing reckless things without concern about possible bad consequences (e.g., spending too much money, inappropriate sexual activity, or making foolish business investments) Hypomania Hypomania is a milder form of mania that has similar but less severe symptoms and causes less impairment. During a hypomanic episode, the person may have an elevated mood, feel better than usual, and be more productive. These episodes often feel good and the quest for hypomania may even cause some individuals with bipolar disorder to stop their medication. However, hypomania can rarely be maintained indefinitely, and is often followed by an escalation to mania or a crash to depression. Depression In a major depressive episode, the following symptoms are present for at least 2 weeks and make it difficult for the person to function: Feeling sad, blue, or down in the dumps or losing interest in the things one normally enjoys plus at least 4 of the followin symptoms -difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much -loss of appetite or eating too much -problems concentrating or making decisions -feeling slowed down or feeling too agitated to sit still -feeling worthless or guilty or having very low self-esteem Mixed Episode Perhaps the most disabling episodes are those that involve symptoms of both mania and depression occurring at the same time or alternating frequently during the day. Individuals are excitable or agitatated as in mania but also feel irritable and depressed.

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From: Suki
Date: Thu Apr  1 07:36:31 MST 2004
Subject: Hypomania

From: derek
Date: Thu Apr 22 10:29:17 MST 2004
Subject: Volume 5 I think

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From: derek
Date: Thu Apr 22 10:37:43 MST 2004
Subject: Volume 5 I Think

Hello peoples. I just returned from another fun-filled episode with my shrink. He doubled and tripled all my meds, and he thinks I'm Bi-Polar 2. Which I guess is less severe than Bi-Polar 1. It has hypo-mania instead of full-blown mania. Next, we're going to look at Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. He gave me a form to fill out about it, and it's looking bad for the home team Way to many YES's and 1's and 2's. So, I may be OCD as well. He basically said I'm not allowed to go in to work this week until my meds are kicked in and everything's looking groovy gravy. So here I sit; I cannot do otherwise.

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From: Boojeee
Date: Fri Apr 23 10:00:44 MST 2004
Subject: still with ya, man

From: mike
Date: Sat Apr 24 13:02:16 MST 2004
Subject: Love ya