Villagersonline : blogs : derek : Of Various Topics Regarding Stuff and Things

From: derek
Date: Tue Aug 23 21:00:15 MST 2005
Subject: Of Various Topics Regarding Stuff and Things

Responses
Karen: Sleep deprivation (8/24/05)

derek: School dazze (8/24/05)

Patricia: Math Class (8/25/05)

Karen: A Tale of Two Morgans (8/25/05)

russ: My status (8/26/05)

Patricia: yes and yes (8/26/05)

rodhugen: Agree on Discipline (8/26/05)
derek: Agree on Discipline (8/26/05)
derek: Agree on Discipline (8/26/05)

Responses (sorted by date)
derek: Agree on Discipline (8/26/05)
derek: Agree on Discipline (8/26/05)
rodhugen: Agree on Discipline (8/26/05)
Patricia: yes and yes (8/26/05)
russ: My status (8/26/05)
Karen: A Tale of Two Morgans (8/25/05)
Patricia: Math Class (8/25/05)
derek: School dazze (8/24/05)
Karen: Sleep deprivation (8/24/05)

We need to find a way to institute a "summary" feature into the blogs. I'm way behind and am skimming for the shorter ones to read. Eventually, I will have an internet connection of my own and will catch up, as well as post the poem I read Sunday (by next Tuesday? Sorry!).
Anyway, I start school tomorrow. This is good because I've been waiting around forever to get started. This is bad because my nerves are shot. I'm having bad dreams about high school, slowly falling behind in my classes, eventually failing. I had one where a teacher yelled at me for not understanding something (an amalgam of many teachers frustration). I could only lay in bed dumb struck when I woke up. Last night I tossed and turned horribly, I'm not sure I got any sleep at all. Mostly I just panicked. Torrential rain and thunderstorms didn't help the mood. This is all while on a double dose of a med that used to knock me out completely for 10-14 hours right after I took it.
So, I'm not doing well with all this. Benji, who has taken these same classes before me, keeps telling me I'm going to do great and I already know most everything I'm studying. On one level I'm sure that's true, I just can't pound it in deep enough. Anyway, please pray for me for help wading through this anxiety and fear and for some consistency in my sleep.
As an added bonus I'm going deeper and deeper into debt. I haven't been able to get work painting in a while, and I just managed to lose a hundred dollars over a charge I never authorized which overdrew my bank account. The little money I did have, I don't. My dad's going to fight it for me, and hopefully it'll work out. So,
Summary:
Things look bleak for our heroes . . . Hopefully, when I get set in school, I'll be able to cope better. I just have a lot of history I'm fighting through. I know this is where God wants me, and I'm trying to believe he will protect me as I go through it. He's developed a lot of strength within me, and this is just a way to use and proove that strength (he says through teared eyes and shaking hands . . .)

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From: Karen
Date: Wed Aug 24 13:22:55 MST 2005
Subject: Sleep deprivation

Sorry about all the...stuff. I was talking with Emily Mc last week, who has noted a pattern of aggravations that's been happening to a lot of us around here. Her husband countered, "Well, I think that sort of thing is just life, but this is the only thing that would get to me..." (And apparently that very thing he described, happened to him in the days that followed. Arrrgggh.) Anyway, that fradulent charge on your card sounds like it fits with the pattern of misunderstandings and annoyances piling up one after another. Nothing life-or-death by itself, but time and energy and optimism draining.
Examples from my life (not even bringing up the normal beginning of school year annoyances)...Saturday night, my cooler pump stopped working (for the second time in two months--does anyone remember that blog written when I was in Colorado?) so between my apartment being 85+ degrees (as you know, not a dry heat) and interceding for Sue in labor and for others who God kept throwing into my head at 2 a.m. I didn't get any sleep Sunday night, either. Thank God for Amphitheater SubFinder! Monday night, I tried to catch up, but the last precious 45 minutes of REM sleep were stolen by thunder claps over my apartment, followed by torrential downpour (which would be much more enjoyable at 5 pm than 5 am) followed by the thought, did I forget to roll up my car window all the way? Yes, in my state of sleep debt, I had forgotten, although I "never" forget to roll up my window in monsoon season. !!!! Vespers music and some student papers got soaked, and a few were permanent casualties... puts me in mind of the flood of '83. (Can any of you old-timers remember the flood of '83? I'd scratch my grizzled beard now if'n I had one. Derek, I think you were at least born in '83!) And I came home to a leaking roof. Sighed, found a bucket. It's an old apartment. But the roof never has leaked like this before this week. (Sigh)
Derek, you *will* encounter resistance-spiritual and otherwise--to going back to school, to moving ahead in your life. I'm praying God gives you the grace & strength to walk right through it with your head high. And thanks again for sharing your poem last Sunday!
OK--I'm outta here. I got STUFF to take care of... (in the midst of all my parenthetical thoughts)...at least my cooler pump is working again ;-)

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From: derek
Date: Wed Aug 24 16:24:40 MST 2005
Subject: School dazze

Well, the good thing about dig arts is I'm on a comp with internet connection all day (though it be mac). Today is going really well. I am really not digging the campus. Not sure why, it just makes me anxious. I stole away to the side of a building after my first class and read for a while, which helped. I also have gotten to know a guy that is in all 3 of my classes, and we've been exchanging computer game war stories during the breaks.
Finally caught up on the blogs, it's amazing how much are community is going through, both in suffering and joy. A bit manic, but I liked Suki's comment in the "Baby Elliott" blog about anticipating the pain of childbirth. We're stuck with our pain, but that doesn't mean nothing good will come of it. I'm trying to believe that. Mostly it just seems like insurmountable obstacles to climb, and on the other side: insurmountable obstacles. I know that's my depression, but it proves true often enough that I can't help but make it a blanket statement.
How are other people's "back-to-school" experiences going out there? Especially want to hear about Patricia and Russ who are stepping into some new and really cool experiences.
Anyway, i'm still scared over homework, break-downs, conflicts with teachers, etc., but at least the first steps are taken. Maybe tonight I'll sleep. It's been two nights on double meds and tossing, turning, watching the clock turn over minutes vana white style but with less prizes. Not sure I got more than an hour either night. Thank God for mania, or I'd have no energy at all.
Thank you, Karen for your words. Encouragement is good. :)

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From: Patricia
Date: Thu Aug 25 09:42:34 MST 2005
Subject: Math Class

Thank you, Derek, for sharing so openly. I hope with Karen that your sleep pattern will adjust. I'm excited about your interest in my first college experience. So here goes:
Right after dropping off my children at their school at 7:30 I drove down to the Pima East Campus. My class doesn�t start until 8:40, but I was glad for the extra time for all the traffic. Where are these people coming from??? But you guessed it. I was still way early. So I sat on one of those benches they have outside the classrooms. The courtyard was already teeming with young people. Kids fresh out of high school, too cool to look scared. Or maybe not? Here and there I spotted some confusion on wrinkle-free, model-quality faces. And then, at last, two women, one still quite young, the other mid-thirties wondering out loud if they should go to find the office. They weren�t sure which classroom they belonged. We started talking, discovered that we were at the right door, waiting for the same class. Instructor came, classroom started filling up. The mid-thirties woman asked if she could sit with me. �That would be great! My name is Trizia.�
The instructor didn�t loose much time and went right to business. He spent as little time as possible on the syllabus and started into the book. He likes to stick to the text book. I like for him to stick to the text book, being audio-visual and all� Like Timmy on his first day of school, I came home with three pages worth of homework. When I was done I still had the house to myself and granted myself a two-hour nap. (The actual truth is that I just crashed because my brain was exhausted�)
I don�t remember if I had mentioned that Fiona�s teacher had rearranged her classroom schedule and moved her extended math session to happen after my math class at Pima. She invited to hang out in her classroom for that time to stay in math mode. She�s going to cover pretty much the same thing this year as I am taking. Part of me wants to be embarrassed now. But I know that I needn�t be. Anyway, I have a Mister Morgan at Pima and a Miss Morgan at TAG. I thought that was funny.

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From: Karen
Date: Thu Aug 25 15:17:31 MST 2005
Subject: A Tale of Two Morgans

Hmmm, I love coincidences. God seems to live a lot inside the "coincidences."

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From: russ
Date: Thu Aug 25 22:02:16 MST 2005
Subject: My status

Well, it's a mixed bag for me. Turns out that the class won't feature much programming at all; it is mostly reading of classic articles related to OS design. (sigh) The reading is interesting, but I'd rather be coding.
Of course, the course I'm taking is just a means to an end: namely, getting officially into the Master's program. That's what I'm worried about now. I was reading today the list of requirements to get into the Master's program...most of the prerequisites I've either not taken, or I've done badly in.
And they say that the CS program at UofA is *very* competitive.
Will they be willing to overlook all that? Can I get glowing recommendations from my coworkers and professors that will help them see who I could be? Will I actually be that disciplined guy that I know I can be, or will I just be a slacker again???

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From: Patricia
Date: Fri Aug 26 08:55:53 MST 2005
Subject: yes and yes

Karen, yes. You are absolutely right. This is no coincidence. Thank you for pointing this out. It totally feels like a blessing :)
Russ, yes. You are "older and wiser" now. No. Really. It has been a long time and much has happened since you were a slacker in school. Now you have much more at stake and you know it. You have a goal that you really want and can accomplish. Besides, anyone who can sit down to read Plato can do this!
So how about Thomas' mantra: "I think I can - I think I can - I think I can - ... "

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	From: rodhugen Date: Fri Aug 26 12:03:46 MST 2005 Subject: Agree on Discipline Yeah, I agree with Trizia. As haunting as my past is regarding school, I need to know that even then, I wasn't the slacker I believed myself to be (hmm, let me think, who was it that was telling me that last Sunday?). I am aware of the problems I have with school, my ADD, my manic-depression. Though this doesn't mean I get to skip gingerly through the problems I had before, it at least means I go beyond the identity of stupid and lazy. There is depth and goodness even in my high school career. Now to just pound it into my head. Anyway, you have focus now. The goal is not just to get through the classes so you can get your piece of paper for work. You are looking at bettering yourself, teaching others, testing yourself and your knowledge. I am worried about all your astresses as well as the distresses you may have associated with them. I think, though, that despite how your academic career looks (though it's far better than mine, I'm sure), you're going to wow the profs with your work, your learning, and your gentleness. A few good grades thrown in wouldn't hurt, but I believe God is in this so it WILL work out. Now just to step into it . . . I just got my request for financial aid back, and they don't seem to like my current 1.5 gpa (despite the fact that I'm up to "probation," from "problem case - must review." Apparently, that isn't considered good progress. Go figure. But, in graciousness, I get probationary financial aid if I take a workshop and get at least c's in all my classes. Trizia, it sounds great. Knowing someone in the class helps a lot, too. It'll be cool to watch you step out into your areas of study. I think you also have a lot to offer those young and "wrinkle-free, model-quality" faces. I look forward to having you at the study nights. :) I'm feeling a lot better. I've finally been sleeping all night, napping a few times a day, etc. I'm now rested. I still am intimidated by my classes, as well as the general atmosphere. It feels like a mall, but with even more pretense. I'm not sure what that means. I also have the joy of "artistic" teachers. Which is to say weird, spacey, strangely demanding on which art supplies to use (having eaten of the tree of knowledge of good and evil art supplies), and, for some reason, they are all really bad spellers. Bad spelling annoys me. It goes against my upbringing. In a student I wouldn't mind much, but a prof? Don't they, like, go to school for masters and doctrates and stuff? Yay! It's Friday and most of my homework is already done for Monday. :) Now to just go spend a fortune on books so I can finish the rest of it . . . Come on, financial aid . . . ! Edit this response Write a response Email the author
	From: derek Date: Fri Aug 26 12:15:04 MST 2005 Subject: Agree on Discipline Edit this response Write a response Email the author
	From: derek Date: Fri Aug 26 12:20:36 MST 2005 Subject: Agree on Discipline what happens when a cat lays on your lap while you blog, occasionally readjusting himself on the mouse (also deleting various lines of text). -D note: note, i am not my father. i only look that way when i blog. Edit this response Write a response Email the author

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