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From: dbonilla
Date: Wed Nov 22 12:39:58 MST 2006 Subject: Fear of Speech

Responses
eric: Poem (11/23/06)
dbonilla: Yes (11/30/06)
rodhugen: Vanity press (11/30/06)
dbonilla: Circle us, oh Lord (12/4/06)
rodhugen: Awesome! (11/23/06)
james: thank you Dennis (11/29/06)
Responses (sorted by date)
dbonilla: Circle us, oh Lord (12/4/06)
rodhugen: Vanity press (11/30/06)
dbonilla: Yes (11/30/06)
james: thank you Dennis (11/29/06)
rodhugen: Awesome! (11/23/06)
eric: Poem (11/23/06)
Here's the poem I read at The Village two Sundays ago.

I once spoke too soon and it was too late,
More than once and couldn't take it back.
I once refrained speech and was frustrated,
Held back and felt unsatisfied.
Postponing leads to ill-timedness,
Waiting for the right moment to weird looks.
Words inapropos bring about confusion
Or at worst painful dismissal,
Deepened by self-contempt.
Tis nice to know you're loved by God
In spite of another's sentiment.
Affirmation by another deepens this love,
Being only humble humans.
A fitly spoken word I learned not,
Spite many years of schooling.
But building a good reputation is less
futile than coveting another's renown.

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From: eric
Date: Thu Nov 23 01:34:35 MST 2006 Subject: Poem

Did you write this? I really like it.

eric

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From: dbonilla
Date: Thu Nov 30 11:26:42 MST 2006 Subject: Yes

Thanks Eric,
It was written rather impulsively in response to an email I got from Poetry.com via MyPoints.com. After I submitted it they notified me that my poem was a semi-finalist in their International Open Poetry Contest, and then they wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a book of poems, "Immortal Verses," including mine. I didn't pay it, coz I'm a cheapskate. Besides, if it were that good, they would be paying me to publish it, right? I didn't think it was that good, but I'm glad you liked it.

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From: rodhugen
Date: Thu Nov 30 14:50:14 MST 2006 Subject: Vanity press

All poems are semifinalists in these stupid 'contests'. The practice is called 'vanity press'. They tell everybody how wonderful their poems are and that they are semifinalists and that for just a few dollars they can have a book containing their beautiful poem. Then they push you to get twenty more copies of the poetry anthology for Aunt Matilda and Cousin Willie and anyone else that might be interested in beautiful poems by their beloved Dennis.

That said, this poem IS good. I am glad you published it here. You won't get paid much, but it also won't cost you anything. And if Aunt Matilda wants to read it, she can just go online.

Dennis, please know that this poem has had a real impact on me and I think you should continue to write. And it is good enough that one of these days a publisher might come calling and pay you for what you have written. I've been rather nicely paid for much worse. Or maybe you will just toil in obscurity and only be recognized by the publishing world posthumously. That really stinks! :-)

Thanks again.

Rod

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From: dbonilla
Date: Mon Dec 4 00:01:13 MST 2006 Subject: Circle us, oh Lord

You have a great sense of humor. Thank you for explaining the 'vanity press' concept. It is as I suspected. "All poems are semifinalists in these stupid 'contests'" hehe. They were buttering me up with automated flattery for a buck.
They have no hint at all of your basis of appreciation. I am deeply grateful for your encouragement. I intend to keep writing. Sincerity aside, I wouldn't mind getting paid after the hummus! :)
I am slowly learning that the bottomline on communicating to another's heart is that words alone do not matter so much. Words are powerful, but there are also spiritual and emotional elements that have an important role. You, Pastor Rod, have a good sense of this in me, and in our community. You looked past the nonpoetic and grammatically incorrect parts of what I wrote, and saw what I was feeling. Thanks for insisting that I post it here, as is.
It's easier to express myself in writing. In speaking, I tend to get all obsessed with precision, so bogged down in analysis of word choice that, the opportunity to share is lost! In the meantime, life passes by, relationships don't get nurtured, etc.
"Circle us, oh Lord, Surround us in our speaking, in our thinking,...," help me to take the risk of maybe saying the wrong thing, only let me share my heart, and the love that you've so generously given me,
Dennis

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From: rodhugen
Date: Thu Nov 23 12:17:47 MST 2006 Subject: Awesome!

Thanks Dennis,

I love how you spoke the anxiousness I often feel - not knowing when to speak, when to refrain, saying wrong things at wrong times. This poem resonates with me and especially when you talk about the reality that I am loved God despite another's sentiment. That is a beautiful line. Keep writing (and reading)!

Rod

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From: james
Date: Wed Nov 29 11:24:19 MST 2006 Subject: thank you Dennis

Thank you so much Dennis. This is an incredibly deep poem that speaks to my heart about most of my own social issues in conversations I've had in the past 7 years.

I've been praying for your poetic abilities to come out in public and it's great to see that prayer answered. As you know Dennis I suffer with most of the same social struggles that you speak of here.

Thank you for taking the journey with me and walking alongside me the last 6 years. You're a great friend Dennis Bonilla. I shall miss being in such close community with you. I know we'll keep in touch though.

I love your sense of humor; yes, even all the non-linear mathematical humor, too. :-)

Keep on rockin' Dennis!

I hope to see more poems like this and look for a few from me soon as well.

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