Villagersonline : blogs : corwithani : my leprosy
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From: corwithani
Date: Thu Jun 10 02:12:20 EDT 2010 Subject: my leprosy

Responses
eric: Wow (6/10/10)
corwithani: No Subject (6/10/10)
lizzies: praying (6/11/10)
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lizzies: praying (6/11/10)
corwithani: No Subject (6/10/10)
eric: Wow (6/10/10)
I missed church on sunday, so tonight I listened to eric's sermon about leprosy in mark 1.

I thought I'd share some things that are going on right now, because I know that I need to... I feel shame that I'm 25 years old and have still not ever fully lived on my own (supporting myself financially in all aspects to be more specific). I hate that I hear praise from people about what an amazing person I am, but find myself today and now more lost than ever about what I am supposed to be doing.

I hate that I just returned from an incredible trip around the world, and now feel so stuck. I don't like that I have always felt stuck when trying to decipher what is next for me. I hate that in deciding to go on the World Race, I knew that the hardest thing would be my return, and that I was right.

I hate that I know that I need to give myself some grace, but for some reason I can't.

all of this to say, I don't think Eric intended for people to just dump all of their crap on whoever might listen after hearing his sermon, but I do know that I really need to make some decisions and can't seem to right now so I need help. I just need prayer, and conversations and encouragements to help me as I try to figure out how and where Cori fits in this crazy world.

is the village where I need to be right now? should I pursue grad school, or a community similar to the one Henri Nouwen was in? should I go back overseas since I don't seem to "fit" in america? or do I need to make more of an effort to "fit" in america?

so many questions, and although this is a really hard place for me to be in I know that I am willing to wrestle with all of it. there is some of my leprosy for you... trusting that the Lord will reach out and touch me in my struggles.

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From: eric
Date: Thu Jun 10 13:57:25 EDT 2010 Subject: Wow

Thxs. I'm praying, thinking about you, and hoping to have more discussions about your life.

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From: corwithani
Date: Thu Jun 10 19:46:04 EDT 2010 Subject:

thanks eric. I enjoyed being at your house last week. and I guess it's just a similar insecurity I feel, when people ask me what I am doing and I don't have an answer.

anyway, I was finally able to make a time for me to go to the abbey this weekend. so I will miss church again but I am really excited/ready to get away. thanks for praying!

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