Villagersonline : blogs : corwithani : missing Nowhere

From: corwithani
Date: Sun Aug 19 16:54:46 EDT 2007
Subject: missing Nowhere

Responses
Suki: Nowhere is still there (8/19/07)

kimc: An Invitation? (8/20/07)

blancaro: No Subject (8/21/07)

emily: quiet (8/22/07)

Responses (sorted by date)
emily: quiet (8/22/07)
blancaro: No Subject (8/21/07)
kimc: An Invitation? (8/20/07)
Suki: Nowhere is still there (8/19/07)

I wrote this this afternoon at Starbucks so I thought I would share it. it's mostly about my experience of reverse culture shock thus far and me trying to put into words how I am feeling...
I experienced this same thing last year after coming back from New Zealand, but it's different this year. last year I feel like I really demanded that people listen and understand my experiences there, and not many did... this year after getting back from Indo I feel perhaps like I knew that people wouldn't understand or "get" all that I experienced so I haven't even really put myself out there. I have just kind of expected or assumed that people won't, and it hurts to be misunderstood/not known, so I have just kept most of it in. or something like that. anyway I have just felt discouraged... and haven't really even put time into meeting with God until today which has definitely added to the discouragement I've been feeling.
ok so here is what I wrote. the "Nothing" that I refer to is the nothing I experienced in Indo... particularly on this one island we were on in between visiting villages, I felt in touch with just my emptiness in a healthy way (I think). this island was out in the middle of nowhere; we weren't in email contact for almost two weeks and it was amazing to just have nothing to really do or worry about. I miss that...
The world is so loud
And yet it blends together like a heavy silence.
My mind and ears are full of noise -
An empty noise that leaves me terrified and alone.
I find myself missing Nowhere;
the place where I was free to be.
I hate Somewhere;
the place where people are striving to be.
I feel confused.
Am I striving or just lost?
Am I moving forward or am I just stuck?
Wait a second - what does forward even mean?
I am engulfed by... things.
Things that go, and squeal, and move, and jump,
and mutter, and buzz, and beep, and demand.
Supposedly a safe place is waiting for me.
Something inside tells me to slow down
amongst these things that never cease.
This idea of a quiet dwelling place is
foreign to me again.
Is it really possible... even here?
I just want the world to shut up.
... I was encouraged by Psalm 31 and the words of Henri Nouwen today, but still just feel annoyed and angry almost at all that life in America brings. I'd love to know your thoughts.

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From: Suki
Date: Sun Aug 19 17:48:33 EDT 2007
Subject: Nowhere is still there

Hi, Cori.
It's funny how the contrast between realities can make you wonder if you've left Nowhere or if you've come back to it. I like your poem. I think it's really good to question what is good and substantial about what you've always naturally accepted here at home. That seems to be the benefit of culture shock. I'm praying that God will guide you as you engage with Him and with people and as you sort out what's important. I hope you find the restful place here in the midst of the movement, and that along the way you'll be able to share what you've learned. I'm looking forward to hearing it.

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From: kimc
Date: Mon Aug 20 19:43:24 EDT 2007
Subject: An Invitation?

Hey Cori,
I love your thoughts and writing. I feel like I got to know your insides a little better.
My thought is that your experience with Nowhere was/is a gift from God. To what, I'm not sure. I guess that your reaction to the noise and busyness is probably a clue. I know you are trying hard not to overschedule. I wonder if God would give you tastes of Nowhere here amidst school and work and friends--just like He did in Indo? That is my hope.
I love you. Thanks for sharing! I need Nowhere, too.
Kim

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From: blancaro
Date: Tue Aug 21 17:08:47 EDT 2007
Subject:

Cori, thank you so much for sharing.
It is often hard for peoeple to experience the nothingness in our busy lives. I think that is why our society is always driving towards more movement so we don't have to experience that nothingness moments. I am very glad you were able to experience it. Treasure it. Go back to it often. Its yours forever.
Blanca

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From: emily
Date: Wed Aug 22 00:52:01 EDT 2007
Subject: quiet

One thing that makes other visiting other countries so peaceful is that we are usually there with a single focus. At home we have to get down to the brass tacks of the rest of our lives. Its not always a pleasant switch.
But also in 3rd world countries life seems to slow down enough so that you can really see it. It comes in to focus and that's really nice.
Sometimes I choose a single focus for my day and refuse to listen to the pull to do anything else. People rush in and out of my day like waves on the shore. Every now and then I have to go a bit higher on the beach to miss the pull of the waves.
Some days I feel like swimming but I don't let myself get trapped by the waves anymore, my face smashed in to the sand and water up my nose.
EmilyM

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