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Cori-
I think you for your honesty and your openest. I haven't blogged in a while either. I have said this before, but it is worth saying again, "It is Okay not to know." I had a year planned out after College; I was going to move to Colorado and work and life at a crisis shelter for teens. I loved working with teens, and loved it even more when they were really complicated. I wanted to do street outreach to homeless teens (which I did while going to College in Phoenix). So, I went, six months into I had planned to stay and work as a staff person there if I could, 3 months after that, I was asked to leave because I had a breakdown and started cutting on myself. The three months prior to that, I thought my whole life was planned out with working with teens, being a social worker, going into counseling, living in Colorado.
I got back to Tucson and lived with my parents. I went searching for a job, any job, whatever God lead me to. I put in applications everywhere. My worst response was at the French Loaf who looked at my resume and asked why I wanted to work there and they turned me down becasue I was too qualified. I knew how to play the piano so I put my name in at one of those piano stories at the mall who sale the little organ type keyboard pianos and play as people go by. They hired me, and then I felt dread. Did I really want to sell pianos that I did not even like? The next day Gospel Supplies called me and I worked there. I worked there for a while and was encouraged to go to graduate school which I did even though I thought I would never be able to go back to social work. I worked hard whereever God put me and that was the important thing. I became a manager and Gospel Supplies, crazy. Then God lead me to work in a group home, gave me the stipend to work for CPS after grad school. I thought at the time that I would do two years and then leave and go into counseling. I had never dreamt of working at CPS. But I loved it. I worked hard; I saw change; I helped save children. So, here I am 11 years post graduation, and I have been working at CPS for 7 years and have become middle management. Pretty cool, but when I graduated college, this was definately NOT what I intended to do with my life, but it is amazing for me.
The one thing I learned: Don't make detailed plans about your life. Walk into any desire you choice and work hard at doing that thing. Have community around and stick someone where they love you for you. Look to God's lead and just choice something and go with it.
The verse that God repeatedly tells me about all this is: Matthew 6:33-34 "but seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things(clothes, food, needs) will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
There is another verse that I do not remeber where it is where God talks about all these people making plans about years from then and God says that it is foolishness because only God knows if you will even be alive then.
Just pick something that you long for with the help of God and your community. If you do not like it, change and do something else. Just stick to one thing and devot to it long enough to tell that it is not for you. |
