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From: clrclady
Date: Fri Apr 8 11:28:08 MST 2005 Subject: The week to come

So, I have basically been filled with a ton of anxiety over the last two weeks. For various reasons: the women and children of the Seneca House are relocating for several days as the tile goes in and I have a terrible time sleeping in strange places, I was scheduled for a jury trial on a case that I worked in 2003 that I really did not want to testify on because the case just makes me really sad, the jury trial was scheduled for the week of tiling and I was for sure that I would not sleep and then be totally out of it while I was testifying, and my sister is coming into town this coming week. I sat on Wednesday and just poured out my anxiety to God. He has been gracious to me this week as I have been swamped at work and have had little time to think about anything in my extended life, but Wednesday, I had a break and all the anxiety came out. Then Thursday and today, the blessings have come. The jury trial that I was dreading has been called off; the mom relinquished her rights to her children. I had over booked myself on Monday and was starting to stress about that. Two people called to reschedule things this morning, so my Monday is still full but not overwhelming.
As far as my sister coming into town, I was stressed out over whether to tell my parents (who have been just down right mean to me for the past month) that I was not coming to the family event on Sunday or if just not showing up was sufficient. I have been stressing over what I would say, how I could explain myself, knowing that whatever I said would not be understood or would be twisted. This morning, I ran into my father at the Post Office. He asked if I was coming. I told him that I was not. I got a friendly, “How are you?” I said that I was doing really great, most of that was said to his back as he was walking away as soon as he said, “How are you?” I thought about this for a while after it happened. I was sad, knowing that the majority of what I have heard from my father over the past month has been a blaming attack of my actions, and this interaction was as empty or emptier than the last interaction several weeks ago. But, it was a blessing in the same sense. I need not worry about whether or not I need to tell them about my attendance to the family function, and they do not care why I am not coming. That is even more painful because they really just DO NOT CARE. My sister has already told me that she does not have time for me when she comes down, so I should not stress over trying to make something happen. It will be a very sad and painful week as I know that my nephew will be within miles of me instead of several thousand miles away, and I will not see him. So as I cry out in agony and grieve over the lost year and lack of love from my family, release my anxiety to God, and thank Him for a precious new family that surrounds me. So, instead of having a stressed out, anxiety filled, anticipation for the week to come, I can rest that God is already taking care of it, and I can just pray for sleep.

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