From: clrclady
Date: Tue Feb 21 23:22:09 EST 2012
Subject: Take me home Poem

I am out of the woods; I feel it and sense it. But I have not arrived at my destination, I am back on the road, traveling in reality, And yet, now the insanity looks so sweet. Another night of Valium, I will do according to what my doctor says. The sleep that is not sleep, but is a drugged state of exhaustion; You lie down as your body goes numb; No feeling, no senses, no reality anymore. At least I dreamed last night on the lower dose; At least I had some sense of myself in that drugged state. I hate being out of control; I hate my mind being so weak. I feel so utterly alone and yet I have so many people around me; What is my longing? What is my desire? Am I allowed to have them anymore? I ridged life I have led to protect from the evil I see and feel; I have nothing to give; nothing to help; nothing to offer. Everything was taken from me at such an early age; What is it that I have left that is actually me? How do I separate the imposter from the true self? Which is which, what really exists anyway? Where is my lover, what is his name? Does he even exist or is he a figment of some distorted reality? The anger and depression have hit; the mania floating away. The danger zone is approaching; what will I choice? Is there any way to go back? Would I even want to at all? So much blood has been shed; there is no need for anymore. I wish I was invisible again, and then I could have a reason to let go. Just let go, oh that sweet release; take me home today my lover. Take me home today.

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