From: clrclady
Date: Wed Mar  4 16:34:05 EST 2009
Subject: Rest and Waiting

Responses andrea: thanks Cheryl (3/4/09) Responses (sorted by date) andrea: thanks Cheryl (3/4/09) God has been talking to me a lot lately about resting and waiting. He has been speaking to me for months from Isaiah 30:15 that repentence and rest is my salvation and I would have none of it. I am a terrible rester. I realized tonight that I am a terrible rester because I am a terrible waiter. I lack in patience. Rod even gave me a book for my birthday called "REST" and it is hard for me to read it because it is all these things God has been telling me and I just do not want to do. I want to go out and get things, do things, fix things, and my habit is if I cannot get it I will SHUT DOWN that longing or desire. I won't just sit and rest with God with open hands with the longing waiting. I have used many things in my life to shut down: smoking, food, work, people, doing, attacking myself, pornography, hurting myself, worrying, alcohol, exercise. God seems to be systematically taking each of my idols away; some have been gone for a while. Now, it seems all I have left I should not be doing because it wastes gas money is to drive around town and sing praise music which really does not shut me down, but it is my escape. So, as I was doing that this evening a little bit. God was saying can you just be satisfied with me meeting your longings? And I thought about all the longings that HE has been stirring up in me that He is saying bring to Him and Wait with Me. Each month I have a friendly reminder that He has healed my reproductive orgins, but I will bear no children any time soon. Can I bring that longing to Him and wait and just enjoy the beautiful children He has placed in my life right now? All most every night I go to bed and think, "Will ever a good single man pursue me for me? Will I ever go to bed with someone else?" And He is asking, will you bring that to Me and let me hold you in that longing. I long for a home of my own. I have shut down that longing for a while because with my debt situtation right now I cannot buy a home. It was stirred up yesterday by Sue and Eric and I went around today trying to find a way to fix it myself, get out of debt sooner with a second job. Ignoring God saying, "Will you sit with the longing for a home with Me and just trust that I have something good for you now here and in the future?" That is what it boils down to. Trusting that He has a plan for me that I do not have to figure out and do. For me to dream with Him and leave it with an open hand that He can do whatever He wants to do with me because He has the best in mind for me. That is really hard for me to believe. It is really hard for me to rest in that truth that He wants good things for me. But even when I am going around trying to do things my way and sinning against Him, He loves on me and offers grace. I had a tire going flat today and got it to the tire shop. I started worrying about how I was going to cover everything financially and tried really hard to take my thoughts captive and repent and believe that it would be fine. I had a nail in my tire. I waited. The gentleman said my car was done and handed me my keys and said have a good day, you need an alignment the next time you have an oil change because your tires are wearing strangly. I said what do I owe. He said Nothing. I was amazed. God Provided yet again and offered grace while I was running around trying to do things on my own. Thanks God.

Edit this blog
Write a response

From: andrea
Date: Wed Mar  4 01:22:51 EST 2009
Subject: thanks Cheryl