From: clrclady
Date: Sun Oct 19 08:17:58 MST 2003
Subject: Ode To My Father

Ode to My Father 8/17/03 The dream to be held in your arms, To be loved by you for my heart, To be held safely with hair caressed, To be tucked into security. Those dreams have long passed away with childhood, But the desire remains. As I walk down this path to grieve the loss of never having my desire meet, I must mourn possibly never being loved by you. I will declare that I was not an evil child. I am not a disgusting woman. I am God’s creation. Why do you not love this creation? Why can you not open your heart? I choice not to do anymore. I will not win over the facade of love with deeds. With that, I must loose every hope in being loved by you. I will no longer try to make things right. I will no longer hide to appease you. I will no longer deny my heart’s longings to make you feel safe. I must LIVE. I am passionate. I am even emotional at times. I am full of questions and turmoil I am a woman who was created for God and in His image. He holds me up in His hands and says, “This is good; I made her.” Oh, it pains me that your heart is cold and untouched by God’s love. So, I will continue to stand and try desperately to be real. I will live with the pain and suffering of the wounds you have given, The wounds of never being accepted by you. I will cry and run to my Father’s arms.

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