From: clrclady
Date: Thu Oct 28 19:39:50 EDT 2010
Subject: October week

I realized today that I cannot understand why someone with my past can be so darn idealistic and hopeful. I did not used to be hopeful. I must have all of my life at some level because my hopefulness for change made it so that I survived my past. But I am so hopeful and idealistic that I think it is going to happen right now, right this minute, any second now, people are ultimately good and want good things. I know that that is not true about me and I know it is not Biblical, but I believe it. It has been a crazy week. Of God stepping in and just revealing how much change He has made in me this year and for me to stop striving and beating up on myself. To totally condemning myself for every little mistake and some things that were not mistakes throughout a day. To remembering what God has done with a friend in my life back to early on things that even seemed not to have impact that did. To a total realization that the people I have put on pedestals and idolized as having it mostly all together are just plain human like me. And coming face to face with all these truths that I have known as head knowledge and something shifting to sinking a little deeper into my chest. That is an emotional process for a week. I have been wondering why I have just been clinging to time with God this week, but I think it is because He is just going crazy around me. It is a good change for October to see God moving this much around and about instead of all the stuff I have seen Satan up to in the past in my life.

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