Villagersonline : blogs : clrclady : Humbled by life
villagersonline
A Community Tunneling Protocol
The Village meets at 5pm Sundays
1926 N. Cloverland Ave. map

Links
(edit) The Village Cancer Relief Fund;


From: clrclady
Date: Thu Mar 8 23:33:49 EST 2012 Subject: Humbled by life

It has been a stressful year already with work, personal life, life changes, medical stuff, financial stuff, people stuff; and I was getting very grumpy and intolerant of people, especially yesterday. I seriously wanted to hurt someone, but did not because I have restraint. On Sunday, God prompted me to reach out to the “social outcasts” that He has placed in my life. I did on Sunday as best I could and then Monday, I called Eleanor. Please pray for her – extreme health complications, living in a sad lonely place, going through dementia, a beautiful childlike spirit, in love with “children of God,” Jesus, her son, grandson who live in Chicago where she cannot be because of the cold and her health, and Pastor Eric’s preaching. I think God dropped her in my life on Saturday about 5 months ago; she has come to the Village once, lives by Safeway within walking distance of my house, and like many people she feels safe around me because I do not judge her or push her to change what she cannot and I just engage with her where she is. She was sick and unable to leave her house Monday; I knew that she had not been able to shop for a month and was eating mostly oatmeal and yogurt when she is a real food lover. I also knew that she had not engaged with anyone outside of her home since she called me a month earlier begging me to drive her to Golden Carol and she would pay for both our dinners. I could not that night and because of my own craziness; I was not able to call her back until this Monday. As I was fighting pharmacies, insurance companies, doctors and having to advocate for myself like crazy and beg for help which I got miraculously from Samantha to hold me tight for a few days till I could finally resolve everything today, I was reminded Eleanor is a lot worse off and that could be me. I finally got to treat Eleanor to dinner which made her cry, take her to the store to use her $16/month food stamps, and make her cry again when I bought her a bag of bulk bean soup which I had to convince her to let me pay for her. I have so much in comparison; I have been blessed so much.

The last three weeks have been weeks of contrast and what feels like living two lives. I have gone from being totally unstable where I could not be around people or drive; too the dressed up nice, make-up, hair done, accessories, crisis management guru, professional who is cool and controlled and appears to have it all under control. I went to such an extreme that it was not natural for me, but I did not want the questions, the interesting looks, the whispering remarks. I wanted to play the façade of control and in part that is who God made me to be, and I am good at what I do. The other part of me is a single woman who has only one blood relation who will speak to her, has two chronic incurable diseases similar to Eleanor’s but not as extreme, and has been placed in this family from God later in life who has taught me how to be humble, ask for help, function with these diseases, and advocate and care for myself. Just a slight chance of events and no intervention from God and I would have been dead so many times over. As I was sitting tonight at dinner listening to Eleanor ramble, she was saying all the same things, saying all the same stories with slight changes, savoring every bite of food like it was the first time she tasted it, and praising God in every breathe. I was reminded – I am so selfish, so ungrateful, so demanding, so impatient, so prideful with the feelings of entitlement.

I used to joke and do crazy dangerous stuff because I said I lived on borrowed time because I should have already been dead. I should not have lived to leave my childhood home, was predicted to destroy myself and be hospitalized for medical issues so that I would not be able to graduate College, several nights I should not have lived through my own self-harm, should probably have not survived the near death of 60% oxygen level and three blood-clots in my lungs, was cursed to be dead before 30 years old – What right do I have to tell God that live should be easier for me and grumble about living in a spacious house with children, family, multiple gardens, and support or my chronic diseases or the stress at work. He has made it so that I have found a good mix of medication, diet, and lifestyle to manage my diseases, made it so that I survived, that I have a MSW and work well under a high stress job that really makes a difference and I enjoy. He has allowed me to minister to those like me, especially children, people who care for children, and the “social outcasts.” To pay so much forward when 15 years ago, I was the complete and utter social outcast with absolutely nothing to live for, but people took me in, some even near strangers. In 1998, I slept in 13 places mostly within the first 6 months of the year, all my processions were in my car and I lived out of my trunk. I was homeless, unstable, actively self-harming, and I had no hope. But I never slept in my car, never slept in a park or on a curb, and was usually always feed a warm home-cooked meal. I have been so blessed; how dare I complain about my life. Thank you God for everything and thank you everyone who have been a part of my story and the Grand Story with Jesus.

Edit this blog
Write a response


Write a blog
Latest Updates

blogs (upload)
eric: Parenting thoughts (8/11/14)
sunnygirl7d: Reuben fishing blog (1 resp) (8/8/14)
samantha: My new blog (8/11/14)
eric: New Website (8/7/14)
dbonilla: Annie Moses Band (3/14/14)
Suki: Ash Wednesday (3/5/14)
andrea: Good news update! (1 resp) (2/3/14)
Carena: More moving help (2/1/14)
Carena: A Friend in Need (3 resp) (1/25/14)
em: Tell me how I can pray (1/24/14)
andrea: Need for Volunteers-Foster Car... (1/19/14)
andrea: suffering (1/7/14)
rodhugen: Two quotes (2 resp) (1/3/14)
cwill: Please pray (2 resp) (1/26/24)
Carena: Polaroid Camera (12/23/13)

pictures (upload)
Suki: Vespers Dec 2012 (1/26/24)
eric: Ordination (3/16/14)
Suki: Soup Supper 2012 (3/17/14)
eric: Belonging 2012 (1/7/14)
eric: sabbath (3/16/14)

bios (upload)
Mike_Wise (1/16/13)
james (11/14/12)
clrclady (1/28/12)
SPark (11/27/11)
benjipark (12/2/10)

music (upload)
Frosted Flakes :
Everywhere j2014 (1/16/14)
Frosted Flakes :
New Found Hope J2014 (1/16/14)
Frosted Fla es :
Trinity Jan2014 (1/16/14)
Skeptic Chickens :
No Condemnation (7/29/13)
Karen and Friends :
Breastplate May 5 (5/10/13)

sermons (upload)
Eric,Ron Layman: The Disciplines RL (3/6/14)
Eric: Habakkuk Part One (1/16/14)
Eric: Noah's Ark (9/27/13)
Eric: The Fall (9/13/13)
Rod: Creation (9/13/13)

Villagersonline.com 2010
Contact Us
(edit) Site Meter
Free Search Engine Submission
Free Search Engine Submission

"Best Viewed at 1024x768 under the light of the full moon in July while Mercury is in Leo
and six pigmy marmosets do the lambada behind you singing Kumbaya" -- User Friendly