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It has been an up and down week. Feeling poorly, sleeping poorly, stretched financially, and going in a million directions at work, and fighting with my own sinful nature to shut down. I had a terrible date with God on Wednesday where I just could not rest with Him because my heart and head were all over the place. Then, I had this really peacful day with God on Thursday and was really present at work. I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride. Then today, I was just hit with a pack of lies. I screwed up again and I felt like a failure. As I was going out to Marana to investigate a foster home case because I have lost my backup workers to do this because of budget cuts. I just felt hopeless, and I was praying to God that I felt like I have lost all hope in everything. As I prayed that, I thought, that cannot be true, I am still praying. When I got to the school, this little hispanic boy was in the office and he watched me intently the entire time I was there. He was doing school work. I looked over at him and smiled and he waved at me. I waved back and thought in my social work self, "What kind of issues does he have at 7 or 8 seeking out a stranger for attention?" I interviewed my two kids that I was there to see and then waited for the ongoing worker because I had decided that I was going to remove them from their foster home. I took a seat in the waiting area of the office next to this little boy who waved at me. He said, "You talked to me too. I talked to you about a year ago. Your name is Cheryl." I was suprised and alert as I had not said my name in any area where he would have heard it. I started a bit of a conversation with him and found out that his life is very good now and things are well and he likes his school. He said, "Those kids you talked to are new, they are foster kids and they are my friends. Are you going to help them like you helped me?" I told him that I was going to try to help them. He asked, "Are they going to be removed?" I said that I thought they were going to be removed, but I was going to try to find a good place for them to be. He looked very happy with that and then repeated, "I remeber talking to you. You helped me." After I got the two kids on their way, and interviewed the foster parent and was driving back across town, I thought, "Thanks God for that little gift." I did not even remember this little boy, yet he remembered me, how many children are out their like that, who I have talked to and tried to get in a better place. When I introduce myself to kids to talk to them, I tell them my name and that I am from CPS. I ask them if they know anything about CPS. Some do, some don't and we talk about what they know if they do. Then I tell them that my job is to talk to kids and see how their life is and what is going on in their life and try to make things better if things need to change in their life. Then, I ask if I can ask them a ton of questions and if they will tell me to truth or tell me that they don't know if they cannot answer my questions. Then their is a ton of questions. It is always the same deviated a little for age. I do not often think how that interview will change those children's lives as I start them. I just think about the children mostly. If I thought how dramatically their lives were about to change, I do not know if I could actually do my job. I guess God gave me a glimpse today at one little boy and gave me some hope that I am not a screw up after all. but I am just his flawed child like everyone else trying to make it in this messed up world. |
