From: clrclady
Date: Tue Sep  6 15:27:36 MST 2005
Subject: Blessings and Victories

Responses Karen: Blatant attacks (9/6/05) Responses (sorted by date) Karen: Blatant attacks (9/6/05) I spent most of this glorious day off with me and God doing various activities. As I went through the day, I became more aware that in this world we have to grab a hold of the little blessings and mark the victories. I really do like the idea of the recorder role which was one of the roles in the kingdom that we talked about several months ago in II Samuel. To remember what God has done and what He is doing. I woke this morning early to catch the pastel wonder of the Sunrise – the first glorious blessing of the day. Then, I got a blatant attack from Satan which would have taking me out a year ago, but I had planned this day with God. So, the day was filled with the rest of the blessing: driving, listening to music, hiking in the rain (which although I was drenched – hiking in the rain is still a notch better than just hiking), picking fruit, and having great quiet time with God. Then, I got to cuddle Elliott when I got home. It was a day of joy to celebrate the victory that a year ago today was the last time that I smoked a cigarette. I was remembering just a few months before this time that I was so engulfed in smoking that I could not stop, compulsively chain smoking when I drove. I was trying to quit by throwing away packs of cigarettes and than going back and digging them back out of dumpsters. So lost. Three days after I had my last cigarette, I nearly died. I went unconscious three times, the last time passing out face down in the mud. For the first time in my life, I voiced that I wanted to live. I had often voiced that I wanted to die; I had never voiced that I wanted to live. But the words came out of my life for the first time as I sat on a hospital bed, oxygen bumping into me, and nearly incoherent. The gates of hell opened up for attack that day and a world wind ensued over the next two months. Memories roaring back, cutting on myself returned, the craziness in my head was finally identified as demons. God had placed me in the awesome environment, this community, surrounded me with blessings and pulled me out of darkness. The victory of the past twelve months – He gave me life. So, as I look at 28 years of blackness and pain, a childhood of hell, and a daily job of working in the blackest pit of man’s depravity, I have decided that we have to hold onto the blessings that God gives us: a hike in the rain, a baby cooing in your arms, a new family where there was none before, a day off. I sit baffled and amazed that I am here: painting, doing music, working. I have life and that, although painful, is one of the biggest blessings God has given.

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From: Karen
Date: Tue Sep  6 14:21:20 MST 2005
Subject: Blatant attacks