Responses
corwithani: :) (5/7/07)
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Responses (sorted by date)
corwithani: :) (5/7/07)
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I have not blogged in a while and I have been realizing that I miss blogging and I miss seeing other people’s blogs. I could easily respond to Sue’s “Stand Up” or either of Julie’s blogs, but I wanted to put some stuff out there from me. Some of you know my story and some don’t or know pieces of it. I stopped blogging my story and my life experiences out of fear. Fear of the repercussions from my family, but I am trying to overcome those fears.
God has been doing a lot in my life, and I have been struggling a little bit. When Eric talked about writing down 20 things that you wanted to happen this year and start praying for them back in January, I did. I wrote down some things for me, some things for other people and started praying for them, not really thinking that they would happen. I do not really trust God all that much it seems, but he has been very faithful regardless. One of the things that I wrote down was to go on a trip somewhere. I had not been on a trip with me and God for a while and I always longed to go to San Diego, but I figured it would not happen for a while. At work this year, I have been going crazy trying to train all the CPS workers in the county a new system of evaluating safety and risk for kids and developing new case plans for families once children are removed. I worked many a long day and many a weekend trying to get everything worked out for the trainings. I asked by boss to take of work a couple of weeks after we were going to be finished with all the training. I was thinking I could just hang out at the house and relax. People at work kept encouraging me to get away. I mentioned my longing to go to San Diego to Julie and she said I should go. I did not really have enough time off planned to go to San Diego and do it justice. About two weeks before my time off, I was meeting with my boss and she said, “You need to take more time off; don’t you have the leave time.” Well, yes I have the time, but I haven’t been gone from work for over a week since I was struggling to get my life together with the demons which will be three years this November. She said I should take a whole week off, and Julie said that I should go to San Diego. So, I looked into it. I found an inexpensive hotel that was less than 15 minutes from the beach, Sea World, San Diego Zoo, Balboa Park, and Old Town. I then found a discounted pass that was good for five days to the San Diego Zoo, Sea World, and Wild Animal Park. It was great. I was going to San Diego.
Some really freaky things happened right before I went. I saw, heard, and felt a demon that was connected to a man who was in the pool at my Gym and it tried to intimidate me. Then, two days before I was supposed to leave, I blacked out in the kitchen at the Seneca House. I began getting really afraid to go, and Satan was taunting me that I did not deserve to go. I did not go to work the day before the trip because of the black out and I had the Leadership pray for me the night before I was going to leave. During the prayer time, both Julie and Susan were feeling that I was going on a honeymoon with God, and Ryan Moore just felt God’s love and feeling like I was going on an adventure with my Dad.
I went, and it was awesome. I had a half day of struggle with Satan telling me that I did not deserve to be having a good time and I was not really having a honeymoon with God, but I called my community and got back on track with God. It was a great adventure. I got to see everything I wanted to see, got to interact with people, and got to take back over 700 pictures to do art with.
Satan often gets me that I don’t deserve good things. I learned very early on in my life that I should hope for nothing and shut down so that I would not feel the world around me. It was been great to come alive these past two and a half years and experience life for the first time. And God really did grant the desire of my heart and my prayer that I posted to him five months ago. Satan has still been trying to get me with the I don’t deserve good things lie, and I am still struggling to hold onto the truth, but God continues to bless me even when I fall on my face. |
