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From: clrclady
Date: Wed Feb 15 21:12:38 EST 2012 Subject: Anger and Conviction

I am so angry about so many things right now. And I feel convicted that I should not be angry, but I am angry. I could say I am frustrated or annoyed which would sound better, but those are not the true feeling that lives in me right now. I am angry. I am angry at people and God. I am angry that people abuse power and think they can get away with destroying others lives without giving any account to what those people have done for them in the past. I am angry that people are sinful and take advantage of people. I am angry that we live in this fallen world where we are broken and messed up and cannot do anything to help ourselves be better. I am angry that God is taking so long to come back and safe us from this world and wipe away all the tears.

But I was convicted tonight by a sermon. I have to confess that I often listen to Joyce Meyer while I take baths or drive around town. She said we need to learn to enjoy life while we have problems. It was almost an exact echoing of what one of our Pastors had told me several weeks ago. I need to learn how to enjoy the journey. With that I need to trust that God is in control and will bring everything that was meant for evil for good. I have seen Him do that in my life and other’s lives, but when you are still in the waiting it is so hard. The biggest example of this in the Bible was when Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery in Egypt. How did Joseph hold on for all those years in prison apparently being forgotten? How do we not forget people who are living in some form of prison due to others’ evil? How do we not forget them by being consumed with ours like the cup bearer did for so long with Joseph? What do we have to offer these people when we are so broken ourselves? All I have and all I have to offer is relationship with Jesus. I want to do more. I want to fix things. I want to have justice and make the world “right.” But I am not wise enough, powerful enough, humble enough, loving enough or good enough to do any of those things. I was convicted tonight that God is all of those things and more, and I was reminded that He loves me and everyone else on this earth more than I could ever imagine or believe. I really need to be reminded of the Gospel every day; that He put all the evil unto His son in order for me to live in His presences and blessing. I really deserve nothing but death. Thank you for Your grace God.

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