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From: clrclady
Date: Sat Oct 22 02:51:48 EDT 2011 Subject: A Rambling Week

Responses
Mike_Wise: Thank you (10/24/11)
andrea: Love you!!!! (10/30/11)
Responses (sorted by date)
andrea: Love you!!!! (10/30/11)
Mike_Wise: Thank you (10/24/11)
“Nothing is for Not,” and “Yes, you are really are crazy.” Interesting words that keep rolling around in my brain with images of marriage, demons, John the Baptist, camel’s skin and honey, mania, abortion, singleness, abuse, and so many blackened memories. This happens every year around this season. The dreaded October that leads into the pain filled Holidays which were never good and continue to be bitter sweet. Sometimes more bitter and often in the last several years more sweet. I realized this week (yet again) as I always seem to do this time of year that I have many longings that I numb out too, and much pain and grieve that I do not know will ever be resolved. I sat and chatted with a dear friends and mentors this week ranging from father figures, close friends, employees, supervisors, co-workers, strangers, mother figures and many more. I listened to grieve and struggle. I listened to joy and happiness. I was confronted and convicted. Brought to laughter and tears and many moments of dead thought and silence. I submitted and rebelled. With sleepless nights and realization at a deeper and deeper level how broken the world is, and how utterly broken and sinful and helpless I am. I prayed with people, prayed for people, reminisced, mourned, and hugged with relief. I prayed for a dying man and a wife that had her dream for only ten short years; she has been a teacher, mentor, friend, and subordinate over these vast but short 12 years. I prayed and listened to a widow grief a spouse that went to Jesus nearly a decade ago this week, and thought how we get so attached to this world and our comforts, but it is not secure or safe. I realized that an event that happened over 22 years ago might have been my only chance to birth my own child and then realized that it could have been the only chance to have been a “true” mother at all. I realized that one of the most blessed things God has given me was four children to love, pray for, watch over, see grow, and live day in day out with might have been the best thing He ever gave me and the closest thing to having children that I might have. I grieved over the infertile, was angry at the drug addicted and abusers of children, and envious of all mothers. God showed me; that it will be another miracle in my life if I ever have children. Everything that we have or receive really is a miracle and something we do not deserve, but He brought me to grief something I had not grieved so deeply before. “Nothing is for Not” -- all these years, the childhood nightmare, the psych wards, bloody nights, freedom, demons, this story of singleness with me and God; it is not for Not. But I am crazy to many standards. I am John the Baptist proclaiming to repent for the Kingdom is near. Repent for darkness surrounds us. Repent for there is a King and He is the only one who can rescue us from this hell we create for ourselves. Repent for only Jesus can overcome our idolatry and addictions that will consume and destroy us. Repent for EVIL is real, darkness is real, demons are real, power that will come against us to destroy us are real, and I have seen only ONE GOD overcome them all. I am the Bipolar tending to mania WOMAN who has seen unspeakable things, heard the unbelievable, witnessed a darkness that is indescribable, and live a life that is a miracle. This WOMAN might not be ideal on paper or forms or home studies to adopt a child, to lead a group, to bring wisdom in the world. But Praise God that He does not see us like the world sees us, and He is really fond of the crazy, manic, social inappropriate, outcasts, and survivors who have only Him to cling to. And then He gives them amazing grace, mercy, and gifts unimaginable. That is the God I follow; that is who I want to be in charge and I proclaim I will suffer through the pain, suffering, grieve, and sadness to finally see His face.

Thank you Jesus for all the people who have touched me and for all of those you have allowed me to touch. Your Story is never boring.

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From: Mike_Wise
Date: Mon Oct 24 00:34:58 EDT 2011 Subject: Thank you

Cheryl,
I meant to read this earlier today but glad I finally got to it tonight. Feels as if I read it exactly when I needed to. Here's to the mad ones, people like us. Who are mad with passion, mad in the head, and mad enough that we truly believe that God will use us to change the world.
Amen and Amen Cheryl
I am always on your side
M

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From: andrea
Date: Sun Oct 30 02:05:15 EDT 2011 Subject: Love you!!!!

I love you my sister. I always will. I thank God for you now and all He has been with you through.

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