Villagersonline : blogs : benjipark : As if we didn't have enough poems

From: benjipark
Date: Sat Apr  3 00:22:58 MST 2004
Subject: As if we didn't have enough poems

Responses
eric: I like (4/5/04)

benjipark: second stanza (4/9/04)

Responses (sorted by date)
benjipark: second stanza (4/9/04)
eric: I like (4/5/04)

So yes this is homework... for my poetry class. Sometimes homework can actually be fun.
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"autumn bells"
in silver and yellow, bells float
lazy down the stream to gather
music as they dance. Tongues
clap and lap at the miry drink
petals dance, prance through
falls, upturned they dip swirl, dip
twirl. Struck metal sings cold in tinkle
and drop where babble is broken
in water fall flower and float
where leaves in death rest fair
and beauty hangs from
the cold fingers of an aspen
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OK so now you can take your best shot. ;^)

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From: eric
Date: Mon Apr  5 07:08:55 MST 2004
Subject: I like

I like the first Verse or section. Tongues clap and lap . . . I can almost hear it. The second section feels a little rough, but I can't put my finger on it. Good poem.
eric

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From: benjipark
Date: Thu Apr  8 17:50:28 MST 2004
Subject: second stanza

Yeah, I'm not sure what is goin on there. I rewrote it several times and then decided it was good enough to turn in.

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