Villagersonline : blogs : andrea : for mother (also)

From: andrea
Date: Sat Dec 20 15:54:43 EST 2008
Subject: for mother (also)

Responses
russ: why it wasn't working. . . (12/21/08)

adriennelynne: No Subject (12/21/08)

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adriennelynne: No Subject (12/21/08)
russ: why it wasn't working. . . (12/21/08)

I couldn't get into Adrienne's blog on the For Mothers...so I am posting here. I wrote a letter too...I liked the connecting with other mother's from around the US (maybe other countries too?). Here is my letter:
Dear Mother,
I think back to the day I became a mother...August 24, 2006. I got the call in the afternoon from a Child Protective Services Investigator. We didn't receive much information...a 9 month-old baby girl who needed us. We didn't even know what size of diapers or clothes she would need, what foods she was used to eating, her routine, or most importantly what she would need to comfort her after experiencing the removal from her family. The next few days were rocky...she cried herself to sleep in this stranger's arms. But in a few days or a week, after the shock wore off, we were no longer strangers and she began smiling and engaging in life. What I am glad I didn't know then (that I do know now), is how much I would fall in love with that little girl and how much it would hurt and break my heart to let her go. She stayed so long...almost 2 years of her life; 2 birthdays, 2 Christmases, etc. We are still adjusting to life without her now.
As a mom, I had to learn to give this little one hope and strength where I felt I had none. When we talked of her leaving to return to her bio-parents, we did so in positive terms, even if we had fears. We prayed with her telling her that we had complete faith in God to heal her family and help her through her losses of this family when she returned, though we looked at God and wondered if we really believed what we were praying for. But I was able to tell her complete truths that I will never waiver on...'we will always love you', 'we will always pray for you and your family', 'we will always be here if you need us'. And I learned to be vulnerable thanks to our first little girl. I admitted when I was wrong, I cried when I was sad, I let the grief and loss hit me and make me softer and more nurturing. And I believe these were good lessons for her to carry home with her. She returned to her bio-parents on May 8, 2008.
We had arrived at this kind of parenthood because of our infertility. God blessed us with a forever child, Ellie, on April 14, 2007. I got to see her ultrasound with her birth mother two days prior to her birth. We were at her delivery and got to see her beautiful entry into this world. We held her, fed her, and stayed with her in the hospital. Ellie taught me how to bond to her as she looked to me to be her mommy...I had become fearful during the foster care process of raising our first little girl. It took my husband pointing out how much Ellie responded to me, looked for me, etc. for me to decide I better get on board with bonding and become her mommy. Today, I can't imagine having more fun as a mom than I do day to day with Ellie. I can't imagine being any closer to a child if I had birthed her myself; adoption taught me that motherhood is more than the biological aspects of conceiving and birthing a child.
Motherhood has also taught me to be thankful for my infertility. Without it, I would never have had the chance to be a mommy to two beautiful little girls. Two daughters, who needed us, specifically us, for what we could teach them. And we needed them for what they had to teach us. Recently I had abdomen surgery to repair some issues that were causing pain. Following that surgery, the doctor told my husband that he didn't see any reason why we shouldn't be able to get pregnant. Now, we are in the waiting stage to see if God really, truly has pregnancy as part of the plan for our lives. I look forward to experiencing motherhood in that way too.
Motherhood is a tough job. It is joyful but also breaks our hearts as we sacrifice for them. We must bond and attach to our babies, but let go too quickly so that they can learn how to conquer the world in their way. I have worked many exciting jobs from a CPS investigator, adoption specialist, reuniting those in closed adoptions, etc., but I would never trade this job of being a mommy for anything.
With Love,
Mommy Andrea

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From: russ
Date: Sat Dec 20 19:05:49 EST 2008
Subject: why it wasn't working. . .

As some of you may have noticed, uploads that include ".." in the title haven't been working (I have had to fix the names by hand). Long story, but I think I have it fixed now. You can access adrienne's blog now.

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From: adriennelynne
Date: Sun Dec 21 11:14:49 EST 2008
Subject:

Oh and I am notorious for doing "..." sorry Russ! I will try to avoid the consequetive periods!
And I posted yours on my blog too Andrea!
I think I will add mine here too, just to make it easier:
Dear Mother,
I feel quite inadequate to write a letter to you because I am young and inexperienced. However, my selfish desire to receive the letters and read the wisdom and encouraging words that will accompany them, trumps my feelings of inadequacy. I am honored to be part of this project and am truly anticipating the Mother Letters.
My son, Bentley John was born August 14, 2008. His arrival was the greatest joy I have experienced. After a natural childbirth the doctor announced, “It’s a boy!” and placed his small body on my chest. He was quite blue and struggling to breathe, so they whisked him off to NICU to give him oxygen. My husband went with our small defenseless son and I stayed alone in the large, sterile room in silence. An hour passed and the neonatologist arrived, my husband at her side. “We think your son has Down syndrome,” she announced. I looked at my husband, who was smiling and nodding his head as if to say, “He’s fine, you’re fine, we’re fine.” I smiled. “Do you have any questions?” she asked. “When can I have my son?” An hour later he was wrapped up in my arms. I examined his perfect body… and thought to myself, “He does have Down syndrome, doesn’t he…”
Needless to say the beginning was quite difficult. Not in accepting his diagnosis, but in the tests…
His left ear failed the hearing test.
He has two heart defects.
He will need to be tested for hypothyroidism.
He may need a feeding tube.
He will need to start therapy right away.
My body ached for him to be healthy. For them to stop poking him, prodding him, and waking him. The never before “mother instinct” kicked in and I became his voice, his strength, his shield… Thankfully, I can now say he has a clean bill of health. That’s right, two working ears, a whole heart, a working thyroid, a large breastfeeding baby who is right on track with every other 4 month old!
I feel a connection to all mothers… mothers with children who have disabilities and mothers whose children are typical. I want the same things for my son that you do. I want to look out the window and see him running around the yard laughing and imagining a world that is fun and playful. I want to see him with slimy frogs and slithering snakes in his hands. I want to raise him to be honest, loyal, and above all, loving. I want him to love Jesus and love people…to be a voice for the voiceless and strong for the weak.
I am learning the great value of being in relationship with other mothers. I enjoy watching them interact with their children as they teach them values, boundaries, and love. I crave to be part of their joys and their pains. I think the greatest thing about motherhood is the internal connection. I have cried with mothers who have lost their babies to SIDS, foster mothers who let go of their “temporary” children, mothers who have miscarried, or felt like they were failing, and mothers whose only instinct is to cry in great awe of the life they have been given. I am honored to be part of the “Givers of Life” club…. The club we all signed up for when we either birthed our children or took in an orphan or foster child.
Just like you, Mother, I am overwhelmed with joy for my son. I am so thankful to be his mother, but I also have fears…fears that I won’t be good enough. I won’t love enough, be patient enough, or encourage enough. I fear that I will say hurtful things and have unnecessary anger. I fear I will deflate his spirit and damage his soul. I fear I will fail at being the one thing I want more than anything. The only reassurance I have is that I will raise a child who can forgive. Forgive me, forgive his father, and forgive a very painful, hurtful world.
I am so encouraged by your husband’s desire to unite Mothers with their stories of love, joy, pain, and sacrifice. I am grateful for his appreciation of all mothers and his recognition of the great connection we have with one another. I think this is a very heartfelt project that is inspiring women from around the country. I wait, with great anticipation, for the other letters… for the opportunity to read them, and save them in a drawer, to pull them out when I need words of encouragement, and strength.
Yes, dearest Mother, this is a special gift for you…a gift that can’t be bought or sold. It’s a gift from the heart. The gift of experience and truth. The gift of joy and pain. It’s a gift you’ll never forget, I am sure. And so on this special day of Christ’s birth, we are reminded of his life that gives us peace, joy, and the opportunity to love. May we be reminded of our blessings…remembering the privilege it is to have them, the opportunity to laugh and enjoy them, and the responsibility to raise and love them.
With great love and humility,
Adrienne Crawford
Detroit, MI

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