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From: andrea
Date: Tue Jun 2 20:56:34 EDT 2009 Subject: Prayer and Jesus please!

Responses
adriennelynne: praying (6/3/09)
kimc: Hang In There! (6/3/09)
andrea: thanks! (6/4/09)
adriennelynne: No Subject (6/4/09)
Responses (sorted by date)
adriennelynne: No Subject (6/4/09)
andrea: thanks! (6/4/09)
kimc: Hang In There! (6/3/09)
adriennelynne: praying (6/3/09)
I am having a particularly difficult day. After being up at 2:30am, 4:30am, 4:45am, 5:15am, and 5:45am with one or both kids, before finally giving in and staying up at 6am, I am frustrated. My little baby boy is very needy. And there is not much we can do for him most times. He is colicky, and just when we figure something out, we think, he changes his reactions and we are back to square one. These are feeding issues.

He has digestion issues. He was already switched to a special formula when we got him for gassy babies. He was not doing well on it. We added Gripe water (natural aide in digestion/gas) and that helped. Then, he started wheezing, but his tummy was ok. But the wheezing was getting worse and worse. After pushing and pushing with our pediatrician, he was diagnosed as having Bronchitis last week. This is most likely because he was having reflux and then aspirating on the reflux, leading to Bronchitis. So, we are treating the Bronchitis and having him on a new formula that has rice starch added to the 'for gassy babies' kind that we had previously. He was doing really well at first, not fussing as much about his tummy pains. Now, his tummy seems to be hurting more, though the wheezing is getting better and not as much spitting up (and therefore, refulx). We had samples of both Simlac and Infamile so don't know if the switching back and forth led to this. He cries most of the day and nothing really helps. We don't get much 'positive' time with him, he is either eating, crying or sleeping. The crying leads right up to the sleeping. We ran out of gripe water yesterday. I had been using it less, so I am hoping that that is the answer to this riddle, but I don't know...

And I just want to cry. In fact, I am crying, out of hopelessness and frustration! Pls pray for him and us.

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From: adriennelynne
Date: Tue Jun 2 22:00:13 EDT 2009 Subject: praying

I don't think I can say anything to make it better- but I am praying for you. And I am going to email you now.

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From: kimc
Date: Wed Jun 3 11:22:48 EDT 2009 Subject: Hang In There!

Wow, Andrea, I remember this. It pushed me to the brink of sanity and then some. I believe you will get through this because I felt like it would never end and it did. You probably need to get breaks from the crying and such. It is SO intense! I believe you will get through it and stand on the other side AND have some positive experiences, but not for awhile. In the meantime, I long for you to feel your helplessness, advocate for your baby and feel the love and support of your community holding you. I will pray about what I can offer in that area. I love you and am praying for you. I don't know if it helps, but I just kept saying over and over, "God is good and what He does is good." It's a psalm and I hung onto it.

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From: andrea
Date: Wed Jun 3 21:54:30 EDT 2009 Subject: thanks!

Hi everyone...thanks for praying and for your words of encouragement Adrienne, Kim, and others.

Well, today, I got through to the dr. He is sending us to a Pediatric Gastro dr tomorrow afternoon. In the meantime, Ian is going to be at another foster mom's home in respite from tomorrow morn until Friday noontime (she'll meet me at the doctor with him tomorrow afternoon). This will allow for a good night sleep and some break and time to spend focusing on Ellie too. I am fighting the guilt from having someone else care for him, trying to remember that we are meant to lean on family for support as families used to live in the same house (thanks Cheryl for reminding me of how God designed fams to live closer than we now live) and I don't have family here so it is ok to call on our resources for help. And that Ian won't remember that I sent him away for a day in a half to recover.

Something else happened today that made me look differently at our situation with him. We found that Ian had a hair tied tightly around one of his toes cutting off circulation. His toe was purple when we saw it. I took him to urgent care (waste of time...ask me if you want to know which urgent care to avoid) and then to our pediatrician. While I was at the Urgent care, I was reflecting on how difficult time he/we have had. And it just seemed A LOT that just kept coming. In fact, it felt a little too convenient for all of this to keep coming. I don't know if this is true or not, but it felt like all these circumstances were just trying to say, "give up, you don't have to keep him" or otherwise discourage us. I have heard it from well-meaning family too as a "oh, you better consider this a little more before you agree to forever". Well, then I was holding him and he was relying on me for comfort, holing on tight to my shirt as he cried in pain while the doctors made him bloody trying to untie/cut the hair around his toe. And I didn't feel anxious because I was doing what I needed to for him. And all the circumstances stacked against him lately made me want to fight harder for him. I AM his mom and WANT to be his mom. And we are NOT giving up.

So, Romans 8:28 was in play today!!! Thank you God!!!

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From: adriennelynne
Date: Thu Jun 4 08:47:23 EDT 2009 Subject:

Poor little toe :( My friend actually said once if my baby was inconsolable to check for little hairs wrapped around small body parts because it is a common thing to happen when Mama's have long hair. :) Maybe it wasn't your hair though.
I am glad you are taking a break. When Halie would scream for days I never wanted to do respite... I was too prideful. But we did take a couple breaks in the spring... and those breaks (once we went to Portland, and I can't remember where we went the other time... maybe we just took a weekend off) anyway, those breaks were SOOOO rejuvenating!!!!
So don't spend your respite feeling badly... spend it with your sweet angel. :) I cant wait to meet Ian!

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