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From: adriennelynne
Date: Fri Mar 7 13:00:28 EST 2008 Subject: confused

Responses
Karen: No Subject (3/8/08)
adriennelynne: goof up (3/8/08)
Responses (sorted by date)
adriennelynne: goof up (3/8/08)
Karen: No Subject (3/8/08)
We have had the opportunity to meet various missionaries visiting during our time here. Last night we met the amazing and impactful missionaries I have known to date...considering the short amount of time we spent with them. :) They had story after story of how they have seen God faithfully answer their prayers...and in the most amazing and clear ways. It reminded me of many of the Village stories I know. Among the usual getting to know you questions they asked us, "Have you ever felt like you were doing God's work and then He didn't answer your prayers the way you thought He was going to? Or like have you not experienced the fruit of your labor for Him?" I immediatly thought of Halie, but I didn't want to bring it up because immediatly I had the gut heartbreaking pain that I knew would lead to a break down- one I really haven't had in a long time. So a few people shared and then I decided to go for it...but I couldn't even speak so I looked at David with my tear filled eyes and hoped he knew that I wanted him to finish. So he described our experience of foster care and how we really thought God was leading us into adoption. I guess even when I hear my husban describe the experience it reminds that I am not crazy and that it really did feel lie that was what God wanted. He descsribed her since failed foster homes as well. After many shared heart filled experiences...something we never had done before in this setting the missionaries wanted us to pray together. And it was powerful. Then after the dinner the woman approached us and said she doesn't think God is done with us yet and that it's obvious we deeply care for this little girl. She encouraged us to seek out a few friends to pray for this situation and to demand that God let her go and bring her to us. My eye sfilled iwth tears again and my heart ached. Is she crazy? Does she know how hard it's been to work to let go of Halie and now she's encouraging us to pray more?
I feel so confused and so lost. I really don't know what He wants from me. I know I want her and I want to serve Him, but I don't see how the two will combine. Last night just opened my wound and it's exposed and it hurts so bad to miss her. It's feels so awful to know there's hope, but not know if He's going to bring her to me or not. I guess I am distraut.
So here's what I need. I need you to pray. And if you feel God calling you to demand that God let her come to us please let us know and we can pray on the phone or something. Either way I really l need comfort because it just hurts all over again. I hate hope because it's not real and it's just a state of waiting for something that you want so bad and not knowing if God is going to give it to you. And I know many of you are in the same place and so my tears and pain are joined with yours.

Thanks

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From: Karen
Date: Fri Mar 7 19:10:49 EST 2008 Subject:

I don't think that missionary is quite right. I'm not at all comfortable with the word "demand." I think a lot of people will agree with me that when we bring demands to God, that's not cool.

Now, intense begging, telling God how much you really want it, that's different. And I will advocate for it. And give you an example.

I have told some people at the Village the story of when Emily Mc almost died. At the time, we'd been friends for over 10 years, and Kelly was just born, the week before. A complication from the delivery, Emily's heart failed (cardiomyopathy). For days, she struggled for breath in a Tucson hospital. I was in Casa Grande, teaching, that week... I could barely stand thinking the thought of my dear friend, very possibly dying, and I was in Casa Grande, feeling utterly powerless--feeling that way because frankly, I was.

It was not the first time that a dear, young friend of mine suddenly almost died, nor the first time I had interceded, and she lived.

It was also not the first time someone I loved had died very young from heart failure.

I prayed that she would live, and I was very honest with God: "If she dies, I won't be able to speak to you again for a long time." It was NOT meant as a manipulative demand; it was a mere statement of what I knew would be true, and the unspoken part B was that I couldn't bear *not* speaking to him again for a long time.

Emily and I like to joke about that very non-politically-correct prayer now!

I think that if it's what you want, you should continue to pray that God bring Haylee back to you. And have friends pray that with you. (I have prayed that myself since you left for Michigan.) That prayer may already have been answered, "Yes, but not now." Of course you want her now, and the pain of not now is very real.

I think you should continue to ask for reunion with your little girl, and be willing to grieve her loss, while somehow moving forward, too, into what God has now for you and for her.

Not sure how that all works. It's something strange, like grieving being single, while embracing it, too... Where I was for a loooong time.

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From: adriennelynne
Date: Fri Mar 7 20:44:39 EST 2008 Subject: goof up

Karen,
Thanks for your encouraging words. I appreciate your prayers....more than I can express...and not just for our family, but for your devotion to pray.

As I was reading your response David reminded me that she didn't use the word demand, but said, to pray that God commands them to let her go. I agree about the demand thing and thought twice about writing it....looks like I shouldn't have! I just wanted to clear that up for future readers.

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