Villagersonline : blogs : adriennelynne : A Child's pain is my gain?

From: adriennelynne
Date: Wed Jul 26 16:25:33 MST 2006
Subject: A Child's pain is my gain?

Responses
laciekaye: my friend... (7/26/06)

eric: Desires (7/26/06)

ryan: similar confession (7/27/06)

Responses (sorted by date)
ryan: similar confession (7/27/06)
eric: Desires (7/26/06)
laciekaye: my friend... (7/26/06)

I have been feeling really down lately. I have been trying to pin point exactly what it is that is holdng me down. Although I still do not know exactly what I am dealing with I might have an idea.
As most of you know David and I are becoming certified to have a foster child between the ages of 4 and 7. It feels like it is taking forever. Today we had our home inspection and so now all of our paperwork will be sent to Phoenix so that we can get our official certification document. I feel so broken about this whole foster thing. It's really hard to gather my thoughts...so bear with me. First of all, I hate that we have to have a system at all. I hate that children are mistreated by the ones who are supposed to love them the most. I hate that the little ones are hurting. May they be found. May they use their small voices and scream that they are being violated, neglected, and hated. May we continually pray for those around children and to call whenever they suspect abuse.
I recognize the fact that we live in a fallen world and that pain is part of that. I also recognize that the U.S.' foster care system, although quite flawed, is one of few in the world and that there are millions of children who are hurting.
Painfully, I have a confession to make. Through this process I have been excited to receive a child. I want more than anything to be a Mom. I know that God has it planned out, but that doesn't make my desire go away. And it is in my desire to have a child that I find my sin. I have been so excited to have a foster child that I forgot that having a foster child means that they have been hurt. I have only been thinking about my desires. I have not been praying about the children who are in pain as much as I have been praying for me to have a child in my home. Over the past couple weeks I have been looking at a foster placement as a way to get what I want: to be a Mom. I lost the foundation, which was to love God's beloved, broken children.
My desire is to bring my focus back on God. I want to be praying diligently for the suffering children. I want this to be about His glory and His love and His grace. Maybe some of you could pray for me right now.
Love,
Adrienne

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From: laciekaye
Date: Tue Jul 25 19:19:51 MST 2006
Subject: my friend...

I'm with you, and for you, and praying with and for you.
Let's try to get a phone date, ok? I've been thinking of you and want to catch up.
In the meantime, I'm proud of you for choosing to wrestle with these things...I know it's tough.
Love you.

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From: eric
Date: Tue Jul 25 21:21:48 MST 2006
Subject: Desires

Hey,
Your desires are good, and your sins are forgiven. I'm so glad to be on the journey with you. Your heart is tender, and your love for God challenges me to look at my own sin. I'm praying for you and David.
e

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From: ryan
Date: Thu Jul 27 11:24:05 MST 2006
Subject: similar confession

Thanks for sharing, Adrienne. Andrea and I can definitely relate, and I too am motivated to consider my sin and confess it. So here goes...
I have discovered that I really do want to be a Dad. So naturally I think that if God gave me this desire for fatherhood, why hasn't he provided that yet? Where is our kid? Why can't we have biological children? Why isn't this foster care thing hurrying up? Why is it that every time a kid needs a home, it's not OUR home?
I have similar feelings about work and career. I have a great job, but it's not at all what I am passionate about. Over the last few years I have discovered that my passion in life (as far as work is concerned) is to build homes. My dream is to build affordable green homes. So if God gave me this desire, then why hasn't he provided that yet? I find myself spending a lot of energy trying to figure out how to make my dream a reality, and daily am bombarded with a worldly philosophy that tells me that making my dreams a reality is what life is all about.
This past week I've been really convicted about focusing on my own desires and unmet longings and consequently missing the point - loving others. I have trouble engaging others in their pain, or often even seeing their pain. I'm often too busy trying to fill the emptiness in my soul with thoughts of children and homebuilding.
Adrienne, it is good to see your heart for kids and your concern for their suffering. It's something I hope to have more of in myself and to see more of in the people around me. Andrea and I will definitely be praying for you and David.

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