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From: Suki
Date: Tue May 10 08:42:51 MST 2005 Subject: My Latest Idea

blancaro: that is a great IDEA (5/13/05)
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blancaro: that is a great IDEA (5/13/05)
My latest idea isn't my idea at all, but actually came from Emily L during one of the discussion groups on Sunday.
This year I've been trying to get up early (before the little ones awake and start chatting and asking for things) and do some journaling to find my mental whereabouts. To find myself, I suppose. This usually takes the form of dumping whatever's in my head onto paper, along with some mention of the stuff of life that's going on at the time for future reference, some prayers for random elements, and possibly a creative free association rant.
The problem with this is that I've idolized the process in some ways so that if I'm interrupted or sleep in too late, I have anxiety that my day won't go well. But then sometimes the process itself is anxiety producing in that it brings things to the surface that I'm left to think about all day without having dealt with in any way. So I've been at issue with the whole thing lately.
The new idea is to get up in the morning and verbally acknowledge my identity in Christ (I've also tacked confession onto this, since my sin usually emerges out of an unwillingness to live into my true identity). Then, using Ephesians 6 concepts, to put on the armor of God and spend some time in prayer for people and the other stuff that's on my mind, and in worship.
Now, I may still do a lot of the journaling stuff that I was doing before, but I hope to start off with this for a while. I've realized that I was seeking myself in the morning instead of seeking God -- missing the point, really. And missing the reality that life is spent in a battle zone. I hope that claiming what's true at the start of the day and getting dressed spiritually will shape my thinking and my actions during the day and give me a set of priorities to focus on that's more in line with what's on God's heart.
I'll let you know how it goes.

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From: blancaro
Date: Fri May 13 13:51:14 MST 2005 Subject: that is a great IDEA

"I've realized that I was seeking myself in the morning instead of seeking God" Suki said.
Once again I have been feeling a call from God to wake up early in the mornings and spend time with him. I did it for a little while last year, until life and tiredness just took priority over that. It is ironic that what got bumped was the one thing that gave me strenght and light. Anyways, I have been feeling better lately, and the idea of waking up early in the morning keeps coming up in different forms (ok, God I got the message, stop sending them!). The only thing is that if I wake up and then sit somewhere to journal I fall sleep, so for now I am just going to take walks while talking to God. Well the point of this rumbling was that now that I think about it, I also tend to seek myself instaed of God during my time spend with him. I am looking forward to find out what it looks like to not do that.
Thanks for sharing Sue

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