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From: Mike_Wise
Date: Tue Jul 6 16:05:05 EDT 2010 Subject: Why?

Responses
rodhugen: hey (7/6/10)
Laelia: A long response (7/7/10)
clrclady: Psalm 139 (7/8/10)
Responses (sorted by date)
clrclady: Psalm 139 (7/8/10)
Laelia: A long response (7/7/10)
rodhugen: hey (7/6/10)
Assuming that we are all correct in the idea that there is a God of this crazy universe, what would such a God want with a guy like me? My life is nothing more that an episodic conglomeration of attempt and failure. Of good intentions and harsh realities.

and of course depression, we can't forget about that. Life is seemingly good so why is it that I can't be, if not happy than content. What is it that I feel is missing?

Is it because I am horrible with money? We never have enough, and if we did have enough what then? Would I go on spending like someone who has never seen money before?

Is it because I am horrible with words? I do more harm than good even with my best thought out statements?

Is it because I am horrible at marriage? Because I am thoroughly convinced that I cannot be a good husband to her? I see so many ways in which our relationship can be driven apart.

Is it because I am horrible with food? I feel like a beached whale I wish there was a switch I could turn on that would allow me to start over before I gained so much weight and make better choices.

Everyone around me see's me as being too hard on myself. Even Rod saw this in blogs I've posted and asked me to please stop but when I see myself all I see are these, this collection of sins and failures.

and I ask again, what would God,,,,, ANY God want to do with me? How could I be of any service to him or to the world as broken and as messed up as I am?

I don't know that there is any hope for me folks

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From: rodhugen
Date: Tue Jul 6 18:09:04 EDT 2010 Subject: hey

His essence is love. He can't help but love you. He wants you to be whole. He is in the process of doing that while declaring it already done. He wants to give you grace. And I wish I could offer it to you as well. But my sin gets in the way, too. A loving gracious God is available to us through Jesus. The hard part is accepting it.

Rod

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From: Laelia
Date: Tue Jul 6 21:18:40 EDT 2010 Subject: A long response

I know how you feel. Some days I am so shocked by how much I fall apart in so many ways...saying the wrong things, not trusting God when just two hours ago I had determined I would never not trust him again! It seems like such an endless cycle and it is ridiculously hard for me, a person who loves insufficiently, to imagine that a perfect God would still love me...again...and again....

My little brother, when he was about six years old, just after he accepted Christ into his life, was struggling with this same thing. For two years, almost every night he would call me to his room and say, "I have that dark feeling again. Are you sure God still loves me?" or sometimes he would cry and say how this "dark feeling" (what I took to mean depression/heaviness/oppression) made him feel like he did too many bad things for God to love him. Every night that this happened, I would be there telling him that Satan tries to drag us down, I would share verses with him that assured him of God's love and then pray really hard out loud for him until he was calm enough to go to sleep. I was always amazed that a seven year old would be able to have such a sense about spiritual things and that Satan was trying so hard to take my brother out. I have always had the feeling that God has big plans for my bro to influence the Kingdom.

Anyway, I say all that because I recognize the same struggle in you, that really, you are not alone in! I don't know if you are a new believer or not, but regardless, take courage that each day that you choose to dwell in God's truth will make you stronger and more assured in His love. It is a constant battle that we all fight, sometimes just choosing to get out of bed in the morning and saying to yourself, "This is the day that the Lord has made, I choose to rejoice in it." or when the next day looks bleak, remembering, "His compassions (like GRACE which stems from His love) are new every morning, great is His faithfulness."

We all mess up and the wonderful thing about God's love is that it shines even more perfectly in our weaknesses. What kind of weak love would God have if we were perfect and He loved us? Anyone can love a perfect person! But God's love is the love only a perfect God can have because he loves us even though we completely and utterly fail him all the time! If you think about it, Satan is always trying to get us to doubt God's love bc if he can do that, then we won't have the confidence to claim our status as God's children and therefore, Satan will have even more power over us. If he makes us shake in fear, then we will have a harder time believing God's word and trusting Him. Basically, Satan tries to destroy our confidence in God's love and faithfulness so that he can destroy US!!!

My little brother just told me recently that he stopped having that heavy feeling a few years ago and I think it is because God was proving Himself in my brother's life over and over. I am not saying that you will never feel this way again, but know where it stems from, recognize the enemy and his intent and just start putting one foot in front of the other spiritually speaking. You are already doing so by asking questions and dialoguing about it, by meeting with other Christians and asking for prayer! That is awesome! Take courage! Every battle that you enter such as the ones you described, God will use to strengthen you each time. You are truly loved by God and you are surrounded by people who will fight beside you!

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From: clrclady
Date: Thu Jul 8 17:31:55 EDT 2010 Subject: Psalm 139

I love Psalm 139. It has touched me so deeply with God's love. I often like to pray it over people personalizing it for them when I meet with them when they are struggling to experience God's love. He thinks about you more than the grains of stand on the earth and those thoughts are of love. He knows you completely, better than you know yourself, he knows the words you are going to speak before you even say them, and still right now, right as you are reading this, He is in a thought about you and it is of love and compassion and mercy and grace. God is love. That is who He is. That is the Gospel. Jesus pouring Himself out because He loved us, because He wanted relationship with you. It is hard to comprehend and imagine when we are attacked all the time with darkness, but we need to walk into the light of the truth and really start speaking it out. You are loved by God.

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