From: Mike_Wise
Date: Wed Jan  9 13:00:31 EST 2013
Subject: Maybe this is when it all turns around

Responses Mike_Wise: Update (1/10/13) Suki: Maybe it is (1/11/13) Responses (sorted by date) Suki: Maybe it is (1/11/13) Mike_Wise: Update (1/10/13) Maybe today is the day? Is today the day that it will all turn around? Is today the day that the unmuted noise in my head will give way to a silence of clarity? Will today be the day that I know that God loves me? That I'll remember that I am his child, will today be the day when I'm healed of the damage done to my soul? I've asked these things since I was a kid but I was different when I was younger which my mom will never let me forget. I didn't let this world beat me down as much. I had a lot of hope and I was determined to be someone special. But it never happened, I'm still me. I still hear the laughter of everyone who saw that I was weird. I still have something I feel I have to prove. I'm looking for something, anything, to ease the pain of being me. Cause I am nothing I am no one I am a lost sheep who doesn't hear the shepherds voice, I never ever have. I wanted a compelling story, I wanted so badly to be something other than what I've become. I wanted to show the world that even the worst that this life could dish out could not stop the best that God could plan. No matter what happened God could redeem it and make it beautiful. Instead though he made me And this ambition, this thing within me that tells me to go for the gold I curse it. I want it gone, I want to just be happy. To live out my days with my wife and be happy with whatever is given. I want to not feel restless anymore, to not be afraid of every second that ticks away, that chips away, that leads me closer and closer to an end that none of us can escape. Either there is a God or there isn't, and someday we'll all know and the things that we spent so much time on in this life won't matter. Either he loves us or he doesn't and no amount of begging or pleading can change his mind. Does the clay tell the potter how it should be formed? When it shatters under the heat and pressure of the world does it complain? When it's throw against the wall time and again does it cry out in protest? No like a little child it just takes the abuse. God can kick me and beat me and lock me away and it doesn't matter cause he is God and I am nothing I am no one This time it feels worse than it has in a long time possibly ever. I don't know if I'll pull out or not. Don't look for me on Facebook I've gone radio silent. It's last call

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From: Mike_Wise
Date: Wed Jan  9 22:53:25 EST 2013
Subject: Update

From: Suki
Date: Fri Jan 11 12:37:13 EST 2013
Subject: Maybe it is