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From: Mike_Wise
Date: Wed Feb 20 12:49:51 EST 2013 Subject: From my Lenten journal

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russ: cool (2/21/13)
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russ: cool (2/21/13)
Hey guys,
I was not originally planning on sharing what I am going to share with you today. I am keeping a journal during my Lenten fast to document what God is doing and to reflect on my responses to the work he is doing. Needless to say he is doing a good thing and he is healing some wounds that have long festered within my soul. My fast is deep but simple, I felt a call from God to step away from connectedness and to step into a quiet solitude with him. I prayed about how exactly that would look and as I emerged into the fast on Ash Wednesday I felt he called me into quiet drives to and from work again as he did last year for part of the week and also to step away from social media sites such as Facebook and blogging. The only reason I am writing this is because I was encouraged to do so by Eric. So here are a couple of the journal entries I have written so far.

-

This morning, as I was listening to a Brennan Manning lecture I was struck by the idea of not only God’s love, which is the very nature of God, but of his fondness for me. Love sometimes can feel like something done out of obligation. To like someone, to be fond of someone feels like something that someone would choose to do. Spending time with someone and telling stories and laughing not because you are obligated but because you deeply enjoy the other persons company. I am struck by the idea of my Father God having this type of longing for me and also struck by my desire to have that sort of relationship with him. The invitation to not bother God with all of that nonsense and to come and play with him. To just ‘be’ and to just enjoy him as he is and allow him to enjoy me as I am.
In the verse that Eric gave me to meditate over for Lent it speaks of God’s “Great delight” in me. It speaks of him rejoicing over me with singing. He likes me, he is fond of me and he enjoys my company. Not because of anything that I have done but because he simply desires a relationship, a friendship with me.
What does it mean to be a friend to Jesus? To the Father? How does that play itself out? That’s what I am chasing after this lent, That is what I am being invited into to experience.

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Why is it that Satan uses fear against me so readily? It is probably because he knows how effective it is. He knows how easily I will go down that rabbit trail instead of focusing on God. What is it that the fear offers me? Eric has asked that of me before and I still don’t know how to answer that question. I don’t want to spend my life being afraid and yet it seems I’ve already spent so much of it in that place. As long as I am afraid I don’t have much that I have to risk but I feel like I want to risk more in life. One of the things that God says again and again in the Bible is not to fear. When the Israelites go into battle he tells them not to fear. Whenever he acts on behalf of his people he tells them not to fear. I have evidence in my own life on how he has acted on my behalf but yet I still fear. How do I stop being afraid and just trust him?

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For years, after the death of my brother, I have heard a still quiet voice within that has told me without ceasing not to worry. Not to worry about anything. Not only should I not worry but it also has said that all of the things that I was worried about all of the time would simply take care of themselves. I have, for years, thought that this was a message from Mark, or perhaps just the voice of my inner self. Of course no matter how many times I reminded myself of this message it wouldn’t take. There was too much to do, too much to get done and nowhere near enough time to do it all in to not worry. I always felt I had to constantly be moving forward, striving for the goal. The goal being total acceptance, being loved, feeling at peace. What fasting, speaking with Jen, reading and praying have helped me realize is that the ultimate goal has already been reached. I am already loved. The voice I have heard in my thoughts all these years was the voice of The Father. My God in heaven, the same God who spoke as Jesus when he told his followers not to care for tomorrow for tomorrow would take care of itself. The very things I am chasing after in life are the things I’ve had ever since Christ first called me his. Regardless of whether I feel at peace or not I am already at peace. I can tap into that voice whenever I need it because Christ is always there, with me through everything. Not only in my great achievements which are loss compared to him, but in the still small quiet moments of mundane everyday life. I AM loved, I AM cherished, I AM at peace and every time that I forget this it’s a lie.

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From: russ
Date: Thu Feb 21 11:47:36 EST 2013 Subject: cool

I think that your fast is an exciting one...it'll be very fun to see what God does with it.

But thanks, also, for posting these. They encouraged me.

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