Villagersonline : blogs : Mike_Wise : Christmas is coming(apart at the seams)
villagersonline
A Community Tunneling Protocol
The Village meets at 5pm Sundays
1926 N. Cloverland Ave. map

Links
(edit) The Village Cancer Relief Fund;


From: Mike_Wise
Date: Thu Dec 13 13:10:34 EST 2012 Subject: Christmas is coming(apart at the seams)

I wrote this on my personal blog and felt I should share it here too.

I remember telling many people that year that I had wished we could just cancel Christmas. I had no interest in the songs, the lights, the colors, the feeling of merriment and I certainly didn’t want to give or receive gifts. Christmas doesn’t mean what it used to mean when you lose someone you love. Especially when that someone was your best friend.

I write this because there always seems to be a bit of a disconnect this time of year between people who love the holidays and people who don’t. Anyone who doesn’t get into the spirit of the season is seen as being a curmudgeon, an unpleasant human being, I know because that happened to me the first couple of years after my brother died in a car accident. The more I distanced myself from Christmas the more that people that loved me were critical of my demeanor. It’s sad really that we have become so judgmental but it’s part of who we are I guess. Even people who are seemingly miserable for most of the year tend to put on a smiling mask around Christmas, and they hate it when you won’t join in on the act.

But Christmas of 2001 I just couldn’t. I couldn’t make myself get into the spirit. Me, who usually listens to Christmas music as much as humanly possible between Thanksgiving and Christmas did my very best to avoid it. Me who loves coming up with cool gifts for people I love couldn’t be bothered to go to the mall. I couldn’t deal with Christmas without my brother Mark around. You know what I did instead? I worked. I worked my tail off.

I even told my boss at the radio station to schedule me as much as humanly possible the week of Christmas. I worked and worked and worked. I did exchange gifts with family on Christmas eve but I went to sleep early because I had to be up at the crack of dawn to head into the station. I did a long shift on air and then I headed to the cemetery. This was the first time I looked at his grave since we buried him. After that I went home and slept the day away. I slept through Christmas and then I woke at about 7pm or so, ate a little something and then headed to the bar to drink and sing.

I have certainly gotten better since then but it was a hard road for me. I think in the end it was my love for family and for what the season represents to me that saved me. That and a willingness to redefine aspects of the holiday so that new traditions could be established that were not build around the memory of my brother. Members of my family started handing out what we called Elf gifts, we gave them whenever we felt like it as opposed to saving everything for Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning. We also started going out to eat Christmas Eve night. Strange? Possibly but it helped me through.

I share these memories today for 2 reasons. First and foremost in case anyone who is reading this has issues with the holidays. Whether it’s because of the loss of a loved one or a painful divorce, whether it’s because you have no money and can’t afford to give your kids as good a Christmas as you like or because you live far away from your family. Whatever the reason for you not liking Christmas I understand and I know other people do too. My best advice to you is to create your OWN traditions to enjoy this holiday season, they don’t have to be related to the holiday at all but make them special for yourself and/or any family or friends you have around. It will help to change the way you look at this time of year.

The 2nd reason I wrote it is to ask those out there who do love this wonderful time of year to continue doing so but also to offer some much needed grace to those around you who don’t. They might seem angry to you or distant and they might not express why they are feeling the way they are but there is a good chance that there are significant reasons for why they are feeling the way they are. Don’t make things worse by trying to include them in traditions they don’t any longer feel connected to. If you really do love them try to make time for them in new ways. Game nights and get togethers for dinner, a quick phone call just to say hi, there are tons of ways to reach out to folks that are hurting. Whatever you do don’t make them feel horrible for not sharing in your celebratory mood, alienation will only make things worse for them.

If we offer grace to both ourselves and to those around us this time of year it really will be the magical and special time of year it was always meant to be.

Edit this blog
Write a response Email the author


Write a blog
Latest Updates

blogs (upload)
eric: Parenting thoughts (8/11/14)
sunnygirl7d: Reuben fishing blog (1 resp) (8/8/14)
samantha: My new blog (8/11/14)
eric: New Website (8/7/14)
dbonilla: Annie Moses Band (3/14/14)
Suki: Ash Wednesday (3/5/14)
andrea: Good news update! (1 resp) (2/3/14)
Carena: More moving help (2/1/14)
Carena: A Friend in Need (3 resp) (1/25/14)
em: Tell me how I can pray (1/24/14)
andrea: Need for Volunteers-Foster Car... (1/19/14)
andrea: suffering (1/7/14)
rodhugen: Two quotes (2 resp) (1/3/14)
cwill: Please pray (2 resp) (1/26/24)
Carena: Polaroid Camera (12/23/13)

pictures (upload)
Suki: Vespers Dec 2012 (1/26/24)
eric: Ordination (3/16/14)
Suki: Soup Supper 2012 (3/17/14)
eric: Belonging 2012 (1/7/14)
eric: sabbath (3/16/14)

bios (upload)
Mike_Wise (1/16/13)
james (11/14/12)
clrclady (1/28/12)
SPark (11/27/11)
benjipark (12/2/10)

music (upload)
Frosted Flakes :
Everywhere j2014 (1/16/14)
Frosted Flakes :
New Found Hope J2014 (1/16/14)
Frosted Fla es :
Trinity Jan2014 (1/16/14)
Skeptic Chickens :
No Condemnation (7/29/13)
Karen and Friends :
Breastplate May 5 (5/10/13)

sermons (upload)
Eric,Ron Layman: The Disciplines RL (3/6/14)
Eric: Habakkuk Part One (1/16/14)
Eric: Noah's Ark (9/27/13)
Eric: The Fall (9/13/13)
Rod: Creation (9/13/13)

Villagersonline.com 2010
Contact Us
(edit) Site Meter
Free Search Engine Submission
Free Search Engine Submission

"Best Viewed at 1024x768 under the light of the full moon in July while Mercury is in Leo
and six pigmy marmosets do the lambada behind you singing Kumbaya" -- User Friendly