Responses
Suki: Hi! (6/15/10)
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Responses (sorted by date)
Mike_Wise: No Subject (6/15/10)
Suki: Hi! (6/15/10)
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So I guess I could write a huge introduction as to who I am but I don't really feel like it I hate writing those things. I just wanna share thoughts.
In the last 2 monthd I've gone from agnostic, to spiritual seek to follower of Christ(I don't like the term Christian and I'll go into that in another blog) but now I find I am 2 people
I'm the old me and the new me
It's the same guy it's all me but the anger the frustration the need for attention the craving for hhuman connection the burning desire for validation in everything I am and everything I do. That's the old me the flesh the carnal me it's "Adam"
And then I keep getting glimpses of someone else Someone I really want to be! Someone who is able to put the needs of others before himself someone who is kind and generous and not awkward.
Someone who loves life and is full of life and has tons of it to share. I see these glimpses and I always have even as an agnostic but I wonder why I can't be that person all the time. I realize I can't be happy all the time but why do I have to be so broken down and so full of loathing for who I am and where I am at in life.
Why do I always try to push people away that only want to love me? Why do I hurt peoples feelings without meaning to?
I hate myself and I feel I have every reason to. But I don't wwant to I want to change I just don't how
I understand what Paul said when he talked about the struggle between what he wanted to do and the things he didn't want to do. He had faith though that God's grace would be sufficient for him
Me? I'm not so sure |