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OK, if you're easily offended, don't read on. Just wanted you to know something of the mundane vagaries of middle school teaching. So, disclaimer/warning out of the way, this week in Cross, room 206...
I hit a teaching record on Tuesday with two kids upchucking in a span of three hours. (The lowest high? Or the highest low?) The girl at 9 a.m. made it just out of the door, but I could hear it splatter on the sidewalk just outside the door as she hurried for the bathroom. Classroom control was maintained, the girl was sent to the nurse, and embarrassment to her was kept to a minimum. The sick boy later on was not so fortunate: his lunch landed squarely on his backpack, ricocheting off onto nearby desks, a dictionary, even a friend's shoe. Whenever a student gets sick in my classroom (it happens once every other year, historically) there's always someone who's delighted to analyze the contents out loud. THANK YOU... (I'll spare you that detail.) Several children with weaker nerves (mostly girls--stronger sense of smell in girls, usually, but there were a couple of boys affected, too) had to vacate the room so as to avoid hurling themselves. We waited about ten minutes for the custodian to come around; in the meantime, the campus monitor found a big plastic bag to contain the backpack and then escorted the poor child to the office. Those were LONG MINUTES. Overall, classroom control could not be maintained (and would that even be a reasonable expectation? I actually considered turning on the TV, that's how hopeless I felt about the "rhinoceros in the classroom"--although this one, everyone was talking about!)... Still, about 1/3 of the 33 students soldiered on with their work, barf pile or no barf pile. Man, that's maturity, I guess. The same student who'd analyzed the contents, was quick to ask the custodian, "How do you feel about this job??" As the finishing clean-up touch, the cheerful custodian sprayed a disinfectant/odor masker all over the carpet and the friend with "contaminated" shoe asked for a spray on his shoe, too.
Another highlight of the week was a boy asking me the correct spelling of "booty." This was the same kid who, two weeks ago, studied a student drawing of a camel on the wall before asking if camels have "boob thingies."
Also, on Monday, our first day back from spring break, there was the boy who always seems to hate my guts, instead throwing himself into my arms at 7:35 a.m.: "I missed you, Ms. Bradley!" It did not seem genuine (or was it? am I confused? am I right? has a miracle occurred here? I don't think so...but where is that gift of discernment now?), but I was too shocked to even respond. The "Dopeler" effect? (Somebody out there will know what I mean by that.)
Ah, the life of a professional educator!!
Next time, stories about girls... |
